Nearly FMLs

By Will - 11/05/2016 03:49 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, I went to use my last dollar on a drink from the gas station. The drink actually came out to almost 2 dollars. I managed to scrape up enough change from my car, and happily walked out. I dropped the cup in the parking lot... FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 32

By idontwantto - 11/05/2016 02:46 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I just finished feeding my 3 month old. I sat her up to burp her, and she immediately spit up. A lot. Right into the crack of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 72

By The Giver - 11/05/2016 02:31 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, after weeks of sharing and even giving up my entire lunch to a classmate, I learned that she does have money to buy lunch. She just spends it all at the mall buying new clothes instead of putting it in her lunch account. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 32

By ItsRaining - 11/05/2016 02:22 - United Kingdom - Roehampton

Today, at 3am, our university hall's fire alarm went off. Some idiot had left my tea towel on the hob, which melted and smoked out the entire hall. Despite me not being in all day, everyone has blamed me and we're not allowed back in to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 14

By anon - 11/05/2016 01:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, I went on a date with my long time crush of three years. Everything was going great, until I found out he supports Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 940

You deserved it 5 512

By jml142 - 11/05/2016 00:45 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I decided to burn a pile of tree limbs by pouring gasoline over them. Instead of tossing a match in, I bent down and lit it. My gasoline exploded and I no longer have arm hair, eye brows, and am in immense pain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 160

By sirdannyboy1 - 11/05/2016 00:30 - United States - Lansing

Today, my high school swim coach decides that we get a break and get to play water polo for the rest of practice. It's all fun and games until 5 minutes in i get kicked in the balls by someone treading water. I slowly make it back to the wall for about 10 minutes only to have the same thing happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 23

By badluck - 11/05/2016 00:30 - United States - Gaylord

Today, I was doing 'it' with my boyfriend, when he thrusted too hard and put my head through the wall. I'm still pulling drywall from my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 11/05/2016 00:23 - United States - Roswell

Today, me and my boyfriend were hanging out with some friends when one asked when we were going to get married. I said not anytime soon.My boyfriend then got up from the table and stormed off turns out he had the engagement ring in his pocket to propose with.FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 36

By Ohio28 - 11/05/2016 00:18 - United States - Dover

Today, I had to give a speech to my government class on why they should pick me as class president, I hate talking in front of people, my voice sounded like I was going to cry. I won, but I think it was out of pity.

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 27

By Chris - 11/05/2016 00:06 - Canada - Westerose

Today, at work, after making a public announcement over my store intercom, I then proceeded to comment about how cute my bosses ass looked today. I didn't realize I had left the intercom on! FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 90

By Neglected - 11/05/2016 00:04 - United States - Orlando

Today, after a lifetime without parental discipline or guidance, Mom finally got started with proper parenting. This would be commendable, even welcome, if she wasn't 27 years late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 13

By brokenheartedgamer - 10/05/2016 22:25 - United States

Today, I broke the cord that connects my ps4 to the TV. I now have a $400 box that does nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 42

By WowISuck - 10/05/2016 20:31 - United States - Hampstead

Today, me and a friend were at a fancy restaurant and he ordered for me while I used the bathroom. He ordered something called "The amazing one" for me. I got it and looked at the dish and, out of mustard, read "I love you. Will you go out with me?" The bad part is I am married, and straight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 13

By anonymous - 10/05/2016 20:15 - United States - Lenexa

Today, maintenance finally managed to fix my A/C and heating in my dorm room after it being broken for 5 months. I move out for summer break tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 9

By loganthoren - 10/05/2016 20:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher poked fun at me for being top of the class, saying it was because I'm Asian. When I tried to call him out, he rolled his eyes and said "Chinese, Japanese, Korean. They're all the same to me." I'm Filipino, and thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 9

By player20270 - 10/05/2016 19:26 - Brazil - Cambori?

Today, my boss decided that Work, by Rihanna, is the best song to put in the restrooms sound system. Now, besides listening to my coworkers play this song all day long, I have to listen to it while taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 11

By RodeoQueen - 10/05/2016 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. We were suppose to leave Friday for his sisters wedding. I've now wasted a week of vacation and will be sitting at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 13

By sammy_muffins - 10/05/2016 19:17 - United States

Today, I wanted to ask a cute guy to the spring fling dance. I wrote a cute note and snuck it into his desk. A couple minutes later, I watched as he showed his friends, laughed, and then threw it away. I'm guessing that's a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 10

By Parentinator - 10/05/2016 18:47 - United States - Fort Mill

Today while walking down the street a cop pulled up next to me, he asked why I looked so suspicious and then proceeded to arrest me for "drugs", My eyes were red because I was sprayed in the face with a hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 8

By baileyx7439 - 10/05/2016 18:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my mother told me I'm no longer allowed to speak to my step father. Why? He spends too much time with me and she's jealous. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 42

By notsoslystalker - 10/05/2016 18:31 - United States - Sylvania

Today, I came across my high school teacher's Facebook profile (I am now about to be a junior in college). After glancing through his pictures out of curiosity/boredom, I got off his profile. A few minutes later I saw that he had accepted my friend request--one I hadn't meant to send at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 92

By ashhdotcom - 10/05/2016 18:23 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was walking on the beach with my boyfriend. He suddenly got down and proposed with a gorgeous ring. At the same moment, a dog ran up and snatched the ring and toke off. After chasing it, he gave up and said, "Whatever, I didn't want to do it anyway." He left me stranded on the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 29

By ashhdotcom - 10/05/2016 18:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was on the beach with my boyfriend. He suddenly got down and began to propose to me with a gorgeous ring. At the same moment, a dog ran up and snatched the ring from him. After chasing the dog, he gave up and said, "Whatever, I didn't want to do this anyway." He left me on the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 23

By wolfssb135 - 10/05/2016 18:12 - United States - Tempe

Today, to celebrate the near end of the school year, the seniors host a spirit week. Today is "senior citizen day," where all the senior high schoolers dye their hair silver and walk on rockers. They "fall" and "have accidents" on the stairs. I was late to all classes and received detention. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 29

By bloody nose - 10/05/2016 18:06 - United States - Denver

Today, I have to get an infusion, due to the amount of blood lost through my bloody noses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 17

By 399 - 10/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Norfolk

Today, as I was giving my client a massage he fell asleep. Which isn't unusual but what is unusual, is that he ended up pissing himself as he was asleep. After he woke up, he complained to my supervisor that I caused him piss himself by pushing too hard on his platter. My boss believes him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 20

By Ggirl Diva - 10/05/2016 17:47 - United States - Irving

Today, I called my wireless provider and was placed on hold for a manager. I sat on hold for an hour before I disconnected the call. I called back only to find out that the department was now closed. So It seems I was placed on hold and left there while all the employees went home.

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 18

By Shadowrael - 10/05/2016 17:45 - United States - Crofton

Today, I was let go from my dream job. I put the severance paper in my bag. I later reached into my bag and the same paper gave me a paper cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 31

By Wherethesundontshine - 10/05/2016 17:35 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband and I were laying on the bed naked about to make love for the first time in weeks when suddenly my chihuahua jumped on the bed and shoved his wet nasty nose right in my place the sun don't shine! Mood killed instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 18

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The Top

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 723

You deserved it 36 105

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 401

Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 411

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 617

You deserved it 3 058

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 690

You deserved it 55 616

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 187

You deserved it 3 283