Nearly FMLs

By worksucks - 08/05/2016 17:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my new boss told me without warning that they are switching me over to commission and cutting my salary to one 3rd of what I usually make. the pay period is over next week so I have one week to make enough sales for two thirds of my pay next for all next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 2

By anon - 08/05/2016 16:46 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, while at the doctor getting a routine exam, he told me to "spread em" so I pulled my pants down and spread my ass cheeks. Turns out he meant legs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 20

By no - 08/05/2016 15:59 - United States - Patterson

Today, my 60 year old dad announced his up coming wedding with a 24 year old girl. I'm 26. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 4

By notcleaningitup - 08/05/2016 15:18 - United States - Madison

Today, my friends got married. My girlfriend helped celebrate this by getting tanked, hanging all over another guy, and then coming home and barfing on the cat's toys.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

By welcometoireland - 08/05/2016 15:18 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was working as a security officer, holding a line of people in order. While I was talking to an elder gentleman I could repeatedly hear whispers from the crowd behind him saying: 'Look at him, I bet he doesn't even speak English' and 'He looks like he was a prisoner in his country'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 2

By EricChapelin - 08/05/2016 14:13 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I woke up extremely sick and with a hurt wrist from falling off my skateboard. My Dad thought it'd be nice to surprise me when I woke up by telling me he spent $255 for me to go to a basketball camp. I can barely stand but I don't have the heart to tell him he wasted all that money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 12

By anon - 08/05/2016 13:12 - United States - Clementon

Today, I was about to orgasm for the first time in 2 months. It was also time for my dad's early morning shit, which completely ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 3

By seriouslydad - 08/05/2016 13:11 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized why my dad got mad when he found out that my girlfriend and I have sex. Turns out he's jealous because he thinks she's hot, and wishes he was the one sleeping with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 960

You deserved it 2 525

By Anonymous - 08/05/2016 12:22 - Australia - Perth

Today I invited who I thought were my close friends for a pub crawl for my 24th birthday, they came to my place beforehand for a drink and told me they weren't coming out with me because they wanted to see some band play in the backyard of somebodys house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 4

By BurgerLife - 08/05/2016 11:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had write my name on my underwear to keep my 18 year old sister from stealing them, FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 77

By IceAndSlice - 08/05/2016 08:58 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, on my birthday, my Laptop's logic board failed and lost everything. My external hard drive backup of all my files has died. The backup of the backup is also dead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 48

By hakoda - 08/05/2016 08:05 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, or rather, a couple days ago, my professor decided to change the format of a test for the second time of the semester, screwing me over. This would be fine if this wasn't the final exam and if this wasn't the second time out of three tests he's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 46

By manlegs - 08/05/2016 05:55 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I realized that I haven't shaved my legs in a year when I was about to have a one night stand. When I took my pants off, he said that he couldn't fuck me because my "man legs" turned him off. I had to call a cab home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 160

By Spoons - 08/05/2016 05:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today I am getting evicted because I can't pay rent. I spent the last month tryiing to find work but there's nothing. I asked my parents for help because they said they'd always be there to help me. They said no, then proceeded to tell me about their fancy trip to Chicago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 60

By asshole_roomy - 08/05/2016 05:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend came to me last night and told me about the issues she went through as a child, her constant moving, and how she wanted to die at age ten. As she was leaving, my asshole roommate called her "a bitch who can't finish childhood". I'm the only person she came to with this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 08/05/2016 05:19 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I volunteered to make a cake for my Mom for Mother's Day at my school. I spent two hours decorating my cake, trying to make it look really good. Then, my mother burst through the door and yelled that I was taking too long, embarrassing me in front of everyone else that was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 36

By datrash - 08/05/2016 04:53 - United States - Kansas City

Today, due to a lack of toilet paper, I decided to use a medicated wipe... That it turns out I'm allergic to. It feels like I used a poison ivy enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 29

By Fucked Over - 08/05/2016 04:52 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, final grades were posted online. I got all of the grades I worked hard for, except one. My professor didn't teach us a module, leaving me with a B and making me lose my full tuition scholarship by .05 on my GPA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 37

By Unlucky Lover - 08/05/2016 04:31 - Australia - Ivanhoe East

Today, I found out, via a Facebook post ,that the guy I have been dating for over a year now is in a relationship with some other girl. Not only that but they have been "together" for over 8 months now FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 08/05/2016 04:17 - United States - Ventura

Today, I passed out at work as a cashier. The worst part, the customer I was ringing up complained and now I'm on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 30

By nickismith - 08/05/2016 03:58 - United States - Fairport

Today, I was peacefully sleeping and then I woke up to my mom and her boyfriend having sex over the phone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 23

By mylsux - 08/05/2016 03:42 - United States - Huntington

Today, while out at a restaurant, I realized how short I really was. The waitress gave me a kids menu and kids cup. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 35

By _Lenah_ - 08/05/2016 03:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today I realized that I can either put up with having bloody diarrhea 12 times a day, or take the medication that stops the diarrhea, but leaves me so tired that I can barely function. Shitty choice? I think yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 7

By puggledore - 08/05/2016 03:26 - United States - Troy

Today, while working as a cashier, a little boy came up to me and asked if I was feeling ill. When I told him I wasn't, he looked at me confused and said, "but you have chicken pox on your face!". He was referring to my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 12

By ThePerry - 08/05/2016 03:13 - United States

Today, I learned that the cold feeling of eating and swallowing peppermints also applies to peppermint shampoo, especially in your eyes. The more involuntary tears I produce, the colder it becomes, thus producing more tears. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 9

By KingSquisher - 08/05/2016 03:12 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, I did everything in my power to not step in dog crap while walking through my yard, but I did, so I picked up a rock to scrape it off, learning a split second later, that rock was just an old piece of dog crap that looks identical to the rocks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 23

By GreenMachine - 08/05/2016 03:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today I woke up to find that my otherwise perfect, never does anything wrong, completely trained and wonderful dog, pooped on my bed. I stretched out, ready to greet the day, and thought, what is this cold, slimy, solid mass that my toes are digging into? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 9

By bjmk1004 - 08/05/2016 03:02 - United States - Collinsville

Today, I made the mistake of taking all five of my kids to the grocery store with me. My normal $180/week bill came out to $388 and change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 22

By NoProm2k16 - 08/05/2016 02:27 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, After I picked up my tux from the tailor, rented the limo, hired the photographer, and reserved a table at a nice restraunt, my date didn't get ready and thought prom was next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 8

By 50shadesOfwhey - 08/05/2016 02:24 - United States

Today, at the jail I work at a inmate had to be restained for getting out of control, before we could restarin this person the inmate decided to cover himself in poop and then throw it at the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I was just too speechless to respond. He asked me on my doorstep, at 2 a.m., which was also our first ever meeting since he abandoned my mom when she was 5 months pregnant with me, and just disappeared for 28 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 95

Today, my boss sacked me because I only sold 3 cars last month. He made no allowance for the fact we’re in such a rural location we only had 3 customers actually walk in the door, and I sold a car to all 3 of them. That’s a 100% success rate. What else could I do, drag customers in? FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 79

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 344

You deserved it 5 322

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 578

You deserved it 803

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?" I said, "It goes." Then he said, "At least we have a job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 166

You deserved it 3 681

Today, my dear wife, an expert seamstress, took apart one shoulder of my favourite vest, looping the whole shirt through itself like a figure of eight, then stitched it back up. It took me over a full minute to realise why I suddenly couldn’t fold it flat, and she recorded me failing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 146