Nearly FMLs

By ItFigures - 07/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, after picking my mom up from the hospital, the nurse said, "See ya soon!" trying to be friendly. As I stepped off the curb, I mis-stepped and ended up falling off the curb. I'm now in the ER with the same nurse giving me four stitches in my forehead and and treating my broken wrist ... FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 30

By Princess Hoo Hoo - 07/05/2016 20:53 - United States - Tampa

Today, (or last night) my dog found a 7.5 ft alligator in the bottom of my pool. It was still alive. I had to find a way to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 19

By JonC96 - 07/05/2016 20:29 - United States - Vermilion

I have always wanted a pet dog ever since I was little. My parents knew this because I always end asked for one. Well today they not only forgot about my birthday but bought my niece the exact kind of dog I wanted "just because". FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 19:34 - United States - Stillwater

Today, I got rent paid. You know you're financially unstable when you can only afford one mcdouble and you're trying to get it to last three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 25

By WhyMe - 07/05/2016 19:05 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that my spit cup for after brushing my teeth is not actually a spit cup. My mom uses it to clean the fish tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 21

By angry child - 07/05/2016 18:56 - United States

Today, my mom gave me a "just because gift. A few hours later she asked me to give it back because she "gave it to the wrong kid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 15

By Dnamei - 07/05/2016 18:47 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, my daycare asked me to pack my 1 year old son a bread meal when he goes there, 3 months before they usually allow the babies to eat bread. How did they know he was ready for this addition to his diet? Because he stole the bread from another kid. He then hid so he could eat it in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 19

By Brittney - 07/05/2016 18:39 - United States - Westlake

Today, I had a rude awakening. After agreeing to babysit my sisters two babies, she went to the club forgetting she had to be home in the morning to babysit someone else's kids. I am now stuck with my 3 year nephew, 1 year old neice, and two random strangers baby twin toddlers. This happened at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 16

By Woofythewolf - 07/05/2016 18:21 - United States - Modesto

Today, my dad yelled at me, again, to fix my cracked phone screen because he thinks that's why I didn't pick up. I didn't answer because it was turned off while I took another college board test, and this happens almost every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 12

By Lenoway this is happening - 07/05/2016 17:56 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my computer overheated and shut down. Now, whenever I plug in my charger, it starts to smell burnt. Exams start in two weeks and I can't reach support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 15

By it's just ice - 07/05/2016 17:56 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my mom found out that my girlfriend eats ice. She is now terrified of my girlfriend because she read on Facebook that if someone eats ice, they're a psychopath. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

By Thedrunkgirlfriend - 07/05/2016 17:19 - United States - Elgin

Today, I decided to try something a little different I never do and send my fiancé a provocative picture. Well... I was drunk and his friend had texted me last to discuss my fiancé's birthday arrangements. Well before I knew it my sexy picture was sent to his friend, FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 14

By ohgeelol - 07/05/2016 17:14

Today, a boy stole my heart. No I mean, I'm on the transplant list, and he physically stole the heart that was suppose to go to me.

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 8

By Cougarlicious - 07/05/2016 17:13 - United States - Vancouver

Today at Starbucks, nice looking guy sits in the chair next to me and strikes up a conversation. We had a great time, exchanged phone numbers, and spent most of the day together. Tonight we were on the phone and he felt compelled to let me know that he lives in his van and showers at the Gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By Kburgerl - 07/05/2016 17:05 - United States - Dallas

Today, I went to check on my 5-year-old who, apparently, was making me a Mother's Day present. I found her in the bathroom crying. I looked down and there was a trail of diarrhea all over my gift and the floor, leading to where she was sitting on the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 4

By tinyone2156 - 07/05/2016 17:00 - United States - Fayette

Today, my boyfriend has decided to let me know he's finishing during sex. His way of doing this is by using the line from Finding Nemo, "You made me ink." Totally ruins the mood.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By anon - 07/05/2016 16:54 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was breaking up a patient fight, now I'm the one going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 6

By itsjustemcee - 07/05/2016 16:51 - United States - Houston

Today, my brother got enraged after I told him to eat his dinner instead of a bunch of candy that he got from a friend. He responded by dumping sugar all over my bed sheets when I wasn't in my room and I woke up with ants crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 5

By NoRespect - 07/05/2016 16:36 - United States - Washington

Today my daughter called me. I miss her dearly and have been sad, feeling that she is keeping a big distance between us. So I eagerly listened to the voicemail, in which she said she called just to wish me happy birthday. My birthday is in 10 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 8

By Chadica - 07/05/2016 16:32 - United States - Murray

Today, a guy was shopping where I work. When he went to pay his food stamps didn't work. He stormed out the emergency exit causing the alarm to go off. Its been almost two hours and no one can turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By embarrassed - 07/05/2016 16:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, a guy that I really liked asked if I could give him a ride home from our exam. Anxious to spend time alone with him, I excitedly agreed. Guess who got in her first car accident ever turning out of the exam location? I don't think he'll be riding with me again any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

By KitKat20 - 07/05/2016 15:24 - United States - Fargo

Today, a customer yelled at me all because I asked to see an ID for his $200 gift card purchase. I was only doing my job to protect against fraud. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

By hazzer - 07/05/2016 15:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my dog some treats when I went out to buy a new sweater- turns out she's allergic to them because she threw up all over my new sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 3

By shadokis - 07/05/2016 15:01 - United States - Thomasville

Today, I went to the CEO of the company to discuss the Maintenance Manager's position I'd been groomed for over several months. His response? "We don't believe in titles anymore". This was in the same room with our Plant manager, Operations Manager, Office Manager and several Shift Coordinators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 8

By Hbeans - 07/05/2016 14:52

Today I found out that not only am I not getting the promotion I was promised, but I have to train the guy who got it (who happens to be 16 years my junior) how to do my job, in case he ever needs to cover for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

By BurningMan - 07/05/2016 14:38 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I'm at a hotel in the middle of nowhere, with very little gas, and hardly any food. My entire town is burning down and nobody knows when any of us will be able to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 4

By miina_xo - 07/05/2016 14:31 - United States - Perth Amboy

Today, I was told that I sleep like a sour patch kid, sour then sweet. My husband says that when he comes to bed while I sleep, I violently fart on him then rollover and give him kisses on his back then rollover again and that its happened the past 3 nights. I thought he lied... He recorded me...FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

By thisisthestupid - 07/05/2016 14:30 - United States - Towson

Today, my boss told me I have to work Mother's Day because the lady she put on the schedule is a mother and she wanted to give her the day to be with her kid. Her son is not even in the country and I'm also a mother. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 3

By 72 Days Later - 07/05/2016 14:14 - United States - Kingston

Today, 72 days after spraining my wrist I decided it finally felt healed enough to try to make it through the day without wearing my brace for the first time since my injury. A couple hours into the day twisted my ankle and fell directly onto my wrist. It now hurts as bad as it did 72 days ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 6

By nameless,faceless road idiot - 07/05/2016 14:03 - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Today, despite 6 years of pleading and begging my husband to learn to control his road rage we were pulled over for excessive speeding. I am 8 months pregnant so the cops felt sorry for us and fined us lightly rather than suspending my husband's licence. I wish they had taken his licence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 564

You deserved it 4 852

Today, I got an exercise wheel for my cat. He took a nap on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 316

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 917

You deserved it 74 338

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending a GIF. Not a sad one either. It was a GIF of some dude disappearing into thin air. Ten out of ten for originality, but come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 85

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 234

You deserved it 8 154

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 284

You deserved it 6 405