Nearly FMLs

By DataWog - 05/08/2016 19:11 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I tried hooking up my girlfriend's TV to my brand-new $1000 computer so I could show her Toy Story for the first time. It wouldn't work. Desperate to get my childhood up on the screen, I quickly downloaded a driver update and restarted the computer. Now nothing works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 125

By ShinyLadybird15 - 05/08/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I decided to go swimming. After dropping my hairband at the bottom of the pool, I shut my eyes and swam down to get it, after finding it, I swam up to the surface where I grabbed 'the side of the pool' Which turned out to be the trunks of an elderly man....yes, they went all the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 71

By mizz_malicious - 05/08/2016 18:45 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my husband wanted me to do the condom challenge because I spent most of yesterday watching condom challenge fails. We learned that using condoms with spermacide and a numbing agent is bad. My eyes still burn two hours later. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 143

By Skewered - 05/08/2016 18:36 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today I had my graduation party. The food there was all on skewers and when I pulled a tomato off and ate it a half inch splinter decided to lodge itself in the top back of my throat. The party went on without me as I had to pull it out in the bathroom with my dad shining a light down my throat, FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 54

By kamaltheabstract - 05/08/2016 18:35 - United States - Reston

Today, I'm about to sit through the fifth meeting of the day. Each one ends with more complicated work for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 51

By plsnotthisguy - 05/08/2016 18:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I met my future "father-in-law." After an hour of meeting him he asked if I could hook him up with one of my older friends so he could "give her mouth some more stretchmarks." Now I can't even look him in the eye... and we are spending our week vacation at his house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 49

By missluca1994 - 05/08/2016 18:33 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I thought it would be fine to spit my gum into the toilet. I probably should have stood back and flushed first, because the force of the gum hitting the water was hard enough to send a splash of yellow piss-water into my eye. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 173

By anonymous - 05/08/2016 18:18

Today, I was driving home from the airport. I had the sudden urge to use the bathroom but there wasn't one to be found. I then let a "fart" out, only it wasn't just a fart. It was massive diarrhea. I still had over an hour drive to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 62

By Oh, Kids - 05/08/2016 18:11 - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, I went on a walk with my dog on the beach. I let kids come up to my dog and pet her with their parent's permission. One of the kids was licking their hand after petting my dog. I went to tell the child's parent's who said,"Don't tell me how to raise my child!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 05/08/2016 18:09

Today, I blacked out drunk and woke up in the hospital with the name on my fake ID on my hospital bracelet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 225

By wreckdit - 05/08/2016 17:49 - United States - Orlando

Today, my family holiday is ending. I am severely sunburned and my entire back/shoulder area is peeling, which is itchy and uncomfortable. To make matters worse, my mum put the lotion I have been using to treat my burns in her suitcase, which is on another flight. Only 8 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 51

By C8H18 - 05/08/2016 17:31 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I was on a 10k fun run. Part of the run was down a narrow path with a steep drop-off. The guy in front of me trusted a fart, and liquid shit ran down his legs. He kept running. I wasn't fast enough to pass him, and no matter how much I slowed down I could still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 40

By sadmama - 05/08/2016 17:28

Today, I was woken up by cops at my door. Forgot my keys in my car last night and someone stole my car, went for a joyride then torched it at the cemetery in our town. Burnt my kids car seats and the stroller that was in my trunk with it

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 05/08/2016 17:27 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my husband's sister arrived to visit. She's a super controlling attachment parent type. And we're in for a week of being controlled by her kids' schedule and her bizarre demands. She practically wants to put our flat on lockdown for her kid's nap. Go home, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 45

By HolyyMolyy - 05/08/2016 16:48 - India

Today, my mother gave me pocket money to buy gifts for my friends for 'Friendship Day' falling this Sunday. It was then, I realised I had no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 50

By shortflob - 05/08/2016 16:26 - Australia - Heathridge

Today, i got my car back from the mechanic ready to move interstate tomorrow. Drove it home and it broke down in the driveway. They arent open for the next two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 37

By Vintage_Cola - 05/08/2016 15:59 - United States - Columbus

Today, after having a serious talk with my dad about how I needed to be ready for college, and thus ready for exposure to alcohol, we went out for a few mature drinks. I discovered overnight that he'd been a recovering alcoholic for the past 20 years. He relapsed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 73

By milliepede - 05/08/2016 15:56

Today, my ex boyfriend turned up outside my best friends house while I was there visiting. He sat in his car looking in the window for an hour. He had the girl he cheated on me with in the passenger seat. He followed me home so now he knows where I live too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 47

By HamSandwich12 - 05/08/2016 15:32 - United States - Cleveland

Today, as soon as I parked, a swarm of angry bees started swirling around my car like a vortex. I was late to work because I was too afraid to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 43

By kentrm - 05/08/2016 15:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that the growing red spot on my eyeball is actually a cyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 36

By Winchester1990 - 05/08/2016 14:21

Today, my boss asked me to empty piss out of the broken urinal in the men's. Someone had ripped off the do not use tape and it was filled to the brim FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 27

By associateoftheyear - 05/08/2016 13:57 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that I'll be working with my great-grandmother again. This is after I repeatedly was assured that I wouldn't have to work with her anymore because of her abusive nature and need to lecture me on how I'm a burden to the family, even in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 31

By why...? - 05/08/2016 13:48 - Denmark

Today, on the bus, an obese girl with a walker started yelling at me. Why? Cause I let her get off the bus before me and it was too stressful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 32

By anonymous - 05/08/2016 13:37 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I went on a ghost tour. There were horses around, so the guide asked us to warn him if he's about to step in any "horse mess". I saw that he was about to and without thinking I screamed POOP at the top of my lungs. In doing so I didn't realize the massive pile I was about to step in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 56

By PsudoAnon - 05/08/2016 09:32 - United States

Today, one of the teens I mentor was graduating. Determined to be at the graduation for her, I filled my car up with gas and set out early with a gift for her. Two miles out of town, my car seizes up in a cell service dead zone. I missed everything, my car is scrap, and I can't even apologize. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 05/08/2016 04:12 - United States - Hartland Four Corners

Today, while riding my bike home from work, I was pulled over by a cop for speeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 115

By H8tera1d - 05/08/2016 03:26 - United States - Monroe

Today, My husband went to a friends to work on our recently crashed vehicle. It wasn't until after he left that I realized he left me with a toddler, an entire apartment to clean, a days worth of laundry and packing to do. For a trip with his family. We leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 85

By ThePatrick - 05/08/2016 03:05 - United States - Galloway

Today, I arrived home to find that my son had nailed a used condom to his door as a sign of his 'triumph'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 73

By GumBlocked - 04/08/2016 19:55 - United States - Natchitoches

Today I asked my wife if she wanted to screw around, her response? "I just started chewing this gum." This tells me exactly what she thinks of our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 80

By MEL - 04/08/2016 18:37 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I had a new job, quitting the last job because of the constant increasing responsibility with no increase in pay. The boss from my last job keeps calling me crying asking how to do things at her business because she has not done any actual "work" for the ten years I worked for her.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 120

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 718

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 586

You deserved it 6 900

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 641

You deserved it 42 736

Today, my husband is such a tight-wadded cheapskate that his idea of “taking the family out” is going to Costco to try all the samples. PS: Yes, I work too, so he’s not the only “provider", he’s just cheap and boring as all hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 144

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 195

You deserved it 5 248

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 800

You deserved it 4 166