Nearly FMLs

By Kid - 18/08/2016 17:37 - United States - West End

Today, me and a friend were going to sneak out to a party. Before I left, he said "If you get caught, don't rat me out to your parents". Guess which one of us got caught and squealed like a pig when his parents asked him where he was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 48

By Smoker - 18/08/2016 17:36 - United States - Portland

Today, while taking a smoke break, a man was parked and sitting in his idling car. He began screaming and harassing us for smoking by his car. We were all sitting on the associate smoking bench. It even has a big red/white sign. When we pointed this out, he asked to speak to a manager. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 34

By feelingshitty - 18/08/2016 17:28

Today, I've had diarrhea for the past day and a half, with me running to the toilet every 5 minutes. Every time I fart, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 43

By breedles - 18/08/2016 17:20 - United States - Reading

Today, I discovered my blind date is a racist. How did I discover it? I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 30

By mip_92 - 18/08/2016 17:17 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was working a shift at the kiosk in the mall for my company. An associate at the store next to my kiosk sprayed a shit ton of cologne and it wafted out to me. I was already a bit nauseous and when the cologne hit me, I nearly puked on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 32

By I.Tried.I.Failed.Like.Usual - 18/08/2016 17:17 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, I live 40 miles from the city/work. Yesterday I noticed a slight leak in my tire. Not wanting to risk it, I paid to have someone repair my tire. This morning my tire was completely still flat making me late. My boss doesn't believe I tried to get it fixed yesterday even with the receipt. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 21

By ItsTheCheeesiest - 18/08/2016 16:45

Today, my brother kicked me in the shin so hard I almost blacked out. Now my tibia may be broken all because i jokingly called him ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 38

By Roxyblu - 18/08/2016 16:35 - United States - Morehead City

Today, I was supposed to meet the mayor at worK, I was out giving surfing lessons and forgot my bathing suite top but had a sports bra. I didnt know, but this meeting was very formal and I showed up soaking wet in baggy shorts and a sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 62

By DisappointedDriver - 18/08/2016 16:25 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got my novice license. When I got home I asked my parents if I could drive my boyfriend to the gas station. Turns out the car I was supposed to share with my mom is not only in the shop until the end of the month, but it's not insured for me to drive. I now have a license I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 50

By hungry - 18/08/2016 16:17 - New Zealand - North Shore

Today, my boyfriend found cake in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 68

By Bloody Tongue - 18/08/2016 16:06 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to slice my tongue open with an Icebreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 27

By sucky 22 - 18/08/2016 16:00

Today, is my 22nd birthday. Including my best friend and boyfriend, everybody forgot. Well, except three people: my mom, an anime forum I haven't logged into in at least a decade, and my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 25

By redfox - 18/08/2016 15:59 - United States - Madison

Today I went to school early to study for an exam, because I figured that there would be less distractions there then at home. Today was also the day that they were testing the fire alarms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 18

By fisch - 18/08/2016 15:52

Today, I asked the person responsible for my visa admission form multiple times to correct a mistake on the form and issue a new one or write a letter stating he's aware of the mistake. He told me to wait patiently. I lost a thousand bucks because I was denied visa and can't board my flights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 22

By Jaelkus - 18/08/2016 15:31

Today, I discovered how much my fiancé's family hates me. They came together to hack an old dating profile to make it appear as if I've been cheating with some girl who is really her sister catfishing hacked me. Fiancé believe's it is not me but now is unsure if I am worth losing her family for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 27

By ChildhoodTerror - 18/08/2016 14:58

Today, my mom moved me to the damp basement so there's no chance I'll "sneak out & party with the opposite sex". She won't believe I'm introvert & wouldn't sneak out from 2+ floors for social anxiety events, & doesn't know I'm gay & could care less about the opposite sex. Hello drab basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 25

By gingerlover01 - 18/08/2016 14:55 - United States

Today, while walking to class I ran into a glass display case, if that weren't bad enough appearntly the girl behind me found it fit to start singing the George of the jungle theme song as she walked away. this is only my second week of school.FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 31

By possiblysingle? - 18/08/2016 14:20 - United States - Arlington

Today, I couldn't take it anymore! After multiple offers to take over driving, I threw my boyfriends phone out the window because he refused to stop playing Pokemon Go while driving, insisting he was being careful.

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 18/08/2016 14:19 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took the biggest shit ever. Problem: I'm in Thailand where the sewage system really sucks, you can't even put paper in (I didn't). My shit clogged the toilet. Again. I'm a rather tiny girl. Got to fix this before anyone notices tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 24

By mads321 - 18/08/2016 14:15 - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I'm planning my wedding. My mom keeps changing my ideas to what she would prefer. We wanted a small intimate wedding with 30 quests max. We will be having 100. We have to pay for everything without help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 32

By DropoutLoser - 18/08/2016 14:09 - United States

Today, I found out that my extended family is attributing my financial struggles and failed marriage to an abuser to the fact that I didn't go to college. I'm being used as a cautionary tale to motivate my cousins in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 27

By Not on the road again. - 18/08/2016 13:38 - United States - Albany

Today, I learned that when my coworker asked if he could "quickly" borrow my car, he really meant use it for a two week long road trip he's taking. I have to travel across the state for a business trip in two days and he's refusing to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 24

By manhj19 - 18/08/2016 13:16 - United States - Framingham

Today, I had an ingrown toenail removed, it was all going fine untill the doctor said that the novacaine should have kicked in, and that he could start. The novacaine didn't kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 15

By poopsalot1 - 18/08/2016 12:52

Today, I cursed out my apartment management for messing up my electrical wiring. I had to call and beg them to come fix my ac unit not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 41

By side piece? - 18/08/2016 12:30

Today, I learned that the guy I have been flirting with every day for the past month has a girlfriend that he's been dating for two years. I only found out because I saw it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 36

By hungry_and_bored - 18/08/2016 12:17 - Germany - Hanover

Today, I have a cold which makes me unable to breath through my nose. Today is also the day my wisdom teeth cause so much pain, I can't open my mouth. Breathing hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 21

By NaughtyNana - 18/08/2016 11:58 - United States - Millville

Today I was enjoying a day out at the zoo with my grandchildren. We are in the middle of an extended heatwave but since we were in the shade I didn't think it was too bad. That is until my 2yo grandson commented loudly, "it's fucking hot, Nana." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 34

By QuittingAndMovingToTheMountains - 18/08/2016 11:37

Today, I answered a questionnaire for a training class at work with information such as the hardest thing about my job. I accidentally hit reply all. See you all Friday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 34

By surrounded by idiots - 18/08/2016 11:12 - United States - Scottsville

Today, I let an employee go. She emailed me later to tell me she had calculated her monthly budget based on being paid and given that fact she felt I should pay her for the remainder of the month. Probably should have let this one go sooner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 18

By Blue_oreo - 18/08/2016 11:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I locked my keys, phone, and purse inside my car while getting gas. After begging the cashier to let me use her phone, and then waiting over 2 hours, missing the appointment I was driving to, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 19

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while waiting in line at Starbucks, the person behind me started venting about their breakup. I assumed they were on the phone with a friend, so I nodded along. After 5 minutes, I realized they were talking directly to me. I ended up giving relationship advice while holding a frappuccino I didn’t even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 168

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 975

You deserved it 3 265

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 642

You deserved it 671

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 019

You deserved it 74 411

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 301

You deserved it 8 878

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 248