Nearly FMLs

By Aussie - 18/08/2016 10:48 - Australia - Woollahra

Today, while checking crops I found a koala in the middle of a wheat field and after consulting a rescue group I moved it to some trees. Now my girl friend is worried that I caught chlamydia and won't touch me. And yes while unlikely it is possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 19

By Dandy - 18/08/2016 10:35 - United States - Lexington

Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the record, I'm not her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 20

By RawRawrRaw - 18/08/2016 10:18 - United States

Today, after several attempts to fall asleep, right as I managed to fully relax, my mother came in and demanded I fix her tv. After spending an hour and a half trying to figure out the problem, she'd realized she hadn't paid the cable bill.

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 16

By Peach - 18/08/2016 09:52 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I went to the restroom of my office to clean my menstrual cup. As it's the second day of using it and I still have to practice a bit, I did it while standing. End of the story: I took it out too fast and half of the blood went on the ground and on my (light colored) jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 26

By zoza7oss - 18/08/2016 09:31 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sciatica is acting up again, I can barely move from the pain. Every one is either at work or school and I have an 8 month old to take care of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 16

By SadMechanic - 18/08/2016 08:43

Today, it was my first day at new job as a mechanic. On my way to the new job, car breaks down. Causing me to be late. Got fired for being late. 0 job, 1500$ in repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 16

By nopowerforweeks - 18/08/2016 08:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, I'm so excited because I finally found a hardware store that sells particular battery's I can use for my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 32

By kibawolf1237 - 17/08/2016 22:40 - United States - Seymour

Today, my mother told she had some bad news about my grandmother. Trying to lighten the mood, I humorously asked, "What, did she die?" Rest in peace, grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 221

By Roxyblu - 17/08/2016 15:21 - United States - Morehead City

Today, a co-worker of mine accused me of stealing $50 from the inside cash register. I work outside and have no clue how to open it, FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 93

By Not crazy - 17/08/2016 11:57

Today, my two brothers wanted to show off their new restraint method they learned at work. On me. In the street. Right in front of the asylum. A nearby policeman handcuffed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 99

By estrelladam - 17/08/2016 09:30

Today, I discovered that the man I dated a few times and thought to be perfect, is married. To cheer me up, I went to buy a book. Ignoring that, the bookseller suggested me a book about a girl in a destructive relationship with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 73

By Interracial Love - 17/08/2016 04:47 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my boyfriend made a very heart-felt, beautiful post on my Facebook wall for my birthday, despite me asking him not to. Why? I had not told my highly strict, traditional Indian parents that I was dating a white man. Yes, they saw the post. Yes, there was a visit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 126

By kodiebear - 17/08/2016 02:23 - Australia

Today, I finally discovered why I cant rid my bedroom of the scent of urine. Turns out my neighbour likes to practice his aim through the knot in the fence when he is outside smoking. The fence separates my bedroom window from his porch. There is pee on the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 58

By sadnessismyname - 16/08/2016 23:31 - United Kingdom - Gillingham

Today I had diarrhea and in a rush to the toilet I lifted the seat up, then unbuckled myself, only to miss the fact the toilet seat had fallen back down. My mum was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 73

By KittyRobot - 16/08/2016 22:42 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I ran out of toilet paper and nobody was home to grab me a new roll, so I wiped with some tissues. What I didn't realize was that they were the kind infused with Vicks vapo rub. My vagina is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 75

By hardhathardluck - 16/08/2016 18:05 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss aggressively bullied an important government agency official and his boss by viciously verbally attacking them over a minor issue. All my work and negotiating with that agency went down the tubes since she totally alienated them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 44

By Furygirl - 16/08/2016 10:46

Today my mother suggested I freeze my eggs, my baby making eggs, I am 27 and in good health, actually FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 143

By heatintolerant - 16/08/2016 07:24 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I flew in to visit my dad, knowing he had a baby. He picked me up from the airport, and while unlocking the door to his house, he told me, "You know, I used to regret leaving you and your three sisters, but after having this baby, I now believe it was destiny." No need to rub it in. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 68

By kaitieloo - 16/08/2016 04:54

Today, my sciatic nerve is killing me. I read on the Internet that going for a run would help. It didn't. I can barely walk now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 108

By BeneathBottomOfTheBarrel - 16/08/2016 01:36 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today I awoke feeling happy and alive for the first time in a long time. By five o'clock, I was dumped and found out she had another man lined up and ready to go. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 74

By anonymous - 16/08/2016 00:36

Today, it was my 21st birthday and my friends were more interested in the Olympics that celebrating my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 00:17 - United States - Jenks

Today, my husband and I ordered food from McDonald's. We got home and started eating. Turns out there was an extra ingredient, a sewing needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 15/08/2016 23:33 - United States - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend and I parked ourselves at our favorite spot at night where we go to talk and make out. He joked that one day the cops would come. 10 minutes later, we were blinded by police cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 97

By There's still a whole cake left - 15/08/2016 23:33 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my mom made a cake and gave me a big slice to try. It wasn't very good but I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I ate the whole slice and told her it was really good. It was so bad I threw up immediately after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 85

By Peircing Hound - 15/08/2016 19:09 - United States - Vonore

Today, I was washing my clothes at the coin laundry when I ran outside to my car to get my detergent. By the time I had come back all of my clothes were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 84

By CelticGoddess96 - 15/08/2016 17:35

Today, I prepared for days for a phone interview at a place I really wanted to be hired at, when they called me they realized they had set it up with the wrong person. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 57

By mermaidgirlie - 15/08/2016 16:48

Today, I tried on the wedding dress of my dreams. The problem? It was in ivory. My family, who is purchasing the dress as a gift, will only let me wear white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 65

By justpeachy1989 - 15/08/2016 15:31

Today, as a Vietnamese receptionist, I spoke to an important female client for over 20 minutes on the phone. In Vietnamese, you have to address people by 'aunty' or 'uncle' out of respect. She ended the phone call with "by the way, I'm a man". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 64

By rwallwy - 15/08/2016 11:33 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me to do the dishes.FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 79

By FUCKANTS - 15/08/2016 11:23 - Australia - Bankstown

Today I decided to use up all the ingredients in the house to make a loaf of banana bread to give me lunches until I get paid five days from now. When I finished, I took the first slice, and then wrapped the rest in plastic. About three hundred ants decided I didn't wrap it tight enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 52

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The Top

Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 1 080

Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 139

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 153

You deserved it 3 864

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 525

You deserved it 33 795

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 014

You deserved it 12 057

Today, I got an X-ray and the nurse happened to mention the old break in my leg. Mom always said it was my twin brother who'd broken his leg. Can you see where this is going? I have now confirmed that at some point mom mixed me and my brother up, so we’ve being using each other’s names for 35 years FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 146