Nearly FMLs

By Kitty 11 - 10/02/2018 19:17 - Ireland

Today, my fiance is making me go out for a joint birthday celebration of three of his friends. It's my birthday too. I'm not included in those three. To top things off, my parents gave me an iron as my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By Blueballs - 10/02/2018 19:01

Today, my attempt at initiating sex with my wife was interrupted by the kids waking up. As I was making them breakfast, I heard my wife get into the shower so I thought we could resume our fun. Walked into the bathroom to the smell of her monster shit. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 10/02/2018 14:15

Today, I worked out for the first time in a couple of months. During my warm-up, I managed to rip open an old incision I have on my belly button. I am now stuck on bed rest. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 10/02/2018 02:47 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. My bike hit a small child on the sidewalk, and the douchebag who hit me just drove away. The cops don't believe I was hit and are charging me with attempted murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1

By stalker - 10/02/2018 04:31

Today, I found out that even though my Facebook is set to private my ex somehow took pictures of my daughter off my page posted them on his and claims that he’s her father. He and I broke up more than a decade ago. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 3

By cringe - 10/02/2018 04:23

Today, my mother was giving a pep talk to her young neighbour, saying that things will get better with hard work and that she's on the right track. My mother said, “You remind me very much of my daughter when she was your age.” Her neighbour visibly cringed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

By "vesos" - 10/02/2018 04:16

Today, I found out that 2 friends of mine might be pregnant, due to the fact that I slept with them, separately, in different countries. They both live 1000 km away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 116

By Suicidalish - 09/02/2018 22:46

Today, I found out my fiance's been fucking my little step-brother. So now, If I'm right on my math, A guy's been plowing my soon-to-be-wife, and his dad's been plowing my mom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 3

By Unmanagementable - 09/02/2018 21:32

Today, I used the comp time to take my mom to the hospital. Before I left, everyone in the office offered their thoughts and prayers. When I returned, everyone yelled at me for not updating reports for them while I was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 3

By Loser - 09/02/2018 19:00

Today, after 3 weeks waiting, I received a denial of visitor visa to Canada. They say I don't have enough money to return. My application said that I have savings of more than $200k. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 6

By Prtyklr - 09/02/2018 11:03 - United States - Lyndhurst

Today, my mom threw away the book I've been writing for the past 5 years because “It looked like useless garbage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 8

By rubberduck_of_do - 09/02/2018 15:17 - Austria - Innsbruck

Today, I got to work early to get some extra work done. While dancing around sorting different papers I started singing at the top of my lungs. Turns out there was an early meeting scheduled for some of the other employees. They all watched me sing and dance around the office while they laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 27

By rubberduck_of_do - 09/02/2018 15:12

Today, an obese man sat next to me on the bus. He started shouting at me to "not take up so much space" because he couldn't fit in the seat. When I told him that I can't make myself disappear just so his fat ass can fit he started stress farting from the confrontation. The ride took 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 22

By Goatbait - 09/02/2018 12:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the petting zoo with my nephew and began stroking the back of a Goat. Before suddenly I felt a sharp pain down-below. Yes, the Goat bit my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 6

By So cold - 08/02/2018 23:47 - United States - Warren

Today, the furnace broke, the company that's going to install the heater is closed for the weekend and won't open until next week, and we're in the middle of a freezing cold snap in Michigan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 4

By screaming shits - 09/02/2018 05:36

Today, I had a nasty case of constipation. Deciding that I don't get REMOTELY enough fiber in my diet, I drank some juice smoothies which had 16 grams of fiber a piece (64% of your DV of fiber for every small bottle) the problem is I drank two, guess what 128% of your DV in fiber does to your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 09/02/2018 03:27

Today, at work, my coworkers noticed that my pimples perfectly aligned in the shape of the big dipper. I connected the dots. They were right. it doesn't help that I'm a 30 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 09/02/2018 03:18

Today, my son pointed out that his friends in relationships have no fun, no money, get nagged constantly and all in return for infrequent unsatisfying sex. An unfair trade in his opinion. I couldn't help agreeing with him. My wife overheard what we were saying and is threatening divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 27

By Hale - 09/02/2018 02:35

Today, I realized how socially awkward I am when I had to psych myself up to ask google when the timer for dinner would go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 15

By "Yes, That's Me" - 09/02/2018 09:18 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I was playing basketball and a player of the other team pushed me which caused me to fall on the ground hard. Both my knees are wounded. The referee didn't even call it a foul because he said I was still smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 09/02/2018 01:26

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend saying my phone got shut off, so I called my provider to ask why my line got cancelled. Nobody knows, and I'm supposed to get a call this week about when I start my new job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 6

By "Christony Yoke" - 08/02/2018 23:03

Today, I woke up to the cat's asshole in my face, I proceeded to grin and pull the cat's tail. After doing so, she began to shit all over my neck, chest and bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 116

By 1 step forward 2 steps back - 08/02/2018 22:07

Today, the final part of my processor upgrade finally arrived. While removing my graphics card I noticed it was stuck in the chassis. With a bit of force I manage to get it out, but not without losing a capacitor. My warranty ended two weeks ago and all my money was spent on this upgrade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 20

By Sad&Alone - 08/02/2018 16:56

Today, I got so lonely that I actually Googled "sugar daddy". Not for money, but to try and get a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 11

By Female - 08/02/2018 16:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I catfished the love of my life... On Grindr. We were in the process of buying a house and getting pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 48

By Jill - 08/02/2018 14:26

Today, I was excited to have sex for the first time in seven months with a cute guy from my app, as I was recently divorced. Woke up and got my period a week early. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 13

By Demonicdueler - 08/02/2018 14:25

Today, it has been 2 weeks since I last heard from or saw my girlfriend. I have texted and called and received either no response or was sent to voicemail. I have officially been ghosted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Hippo - 08/02/2018 08:04

Today, I weighed myself for the second day in a row. I was delighted that I'd lost 10lb. I even moved the scales round and tested it again in the evening to make sure it was legit. This morning, I tried it once more. Those 10lb had magically reappeared overnight. Turns out my scales are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 13

By rosee - 08/02/2018 05:38

Today my boyfriend told me he had something to tell me, since we talked about getting married before I thought he was gonna purpose. Instead, he told me he just joined the air force and he'll be leaving next month FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 7

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my friend was telling me about her issues with her boyfriend, and I said, "Damn, that sounds just like a couple I know!" She asked me who, which is when I realised I was actually thinking about Davide and Ekin-Su on Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 841

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 937

You deserved it 6 980

Today, I found out my boss wrote me up because he heard me crying on the phone, and that it was unprofessional. I was talking to my sister, who was telling that me my father had died. Three weeks ago, he was crying about his dog breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 102

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 016

You deserved it 5 360

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 575

You deserved it 5 056

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 768

You deserved it 46 213