Nearly FMLs

By ZB64 - 24/01/2018 12:26 - United States - Maineville

Today, I still have an ear infection after one month. It wouldn't be so bad if my medication didn't last only 10 days. Back to the doc, for the 4th time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Redbull gives you wings - 24/01/2018 16:38

Today, my cat named Redbull gave me wings, and a body, and a shitload of feathers. My cat gave me a dead baby bird. I still can't find its head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 8

By JanDay1028 - 24/01/2018 12:21 - South Africa

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head when I suddenly vomited. I caught most of it in my hands, but found the situation so funny, I laughed and ended up snorting some of the vomit while the rest landed on the carpet. He hasn't asked me to give him head since.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 24/01/2018 08:38

Today I went to the hairdressers to get her to fix my hair, she ended up taking so much off that I now have a flat top. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 4

By Ssppihron - 24/01/2018 07:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and ran out to a garden bed because I was gonna hurl. It started before I got there so I whipped my hand in front of my mouth only to projectile vomit into my hand causing it to backspray all over my clothes. Best part? I had a ticket on the car when I got back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 8

By "alain4343" - 24/01/2018 05:47

Today, I found out that my water bottles that I have been drinking was water from the toilet that my little brother was filling up with FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 14

By Ass end of the planet - 24/01/2018 04:10

Today, I ordered a replacement book for one I can't buy in my country that keeps getting lost in the mail. Its been 4 months and 3 attempts so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By experienceless - 24/01/2018 02:18

Today, I got dressed up so I could go work at my internship immediately after school. After hours of sweating and having my feet hurt from walking in horrible shoes, I figured out there was a staff change and they cancelled my internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By JustGiveMeAJob - 24/01/2018 00:18

Today, at almost 30, I have applied to my 30th cashier job. I have a Master's degree and two medical licenses. All of my friends are married with kids. I live with five roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 13

By Fira - 24/01/2018 00:13

Today, I did squats for the first time. Now I’m finding new ways to sit down and stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 14

By Robert - 24/01/2018 00:00

Today, my entire state had massive evacuations because of a Tsunami. It was less than a foot tall and I spent the night in an unheated SUV in Alaska in the winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 5

By somortified - 23/01/2018 23:13

Today, my boss asked me to look up a medicine that a guest had left behind, and he was standing right behind me when I looked it up. It was an injectable erectile medicine. I was so mortified that all I could do was laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 14

By Porunabeso - 23/01/2018 17:05 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I rushed to Whole Foods to try my very first Bobo bar. I bit into it and thought it tasted like nutty dog food. After my second big bite, I looked at the bar and saw a thin layer of mold on top of the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 23

By "liz090300" - 23/01/2018 21:41

Today, I went to send a dirty message to my boyfriend. I accidentally sent it to my radio show producer. He has a crush on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 58

By JibberyJabbery - 23/01/2018 21:00

Today I woke up from a dead sleep covered in water. It turns out that my cat doesn’t like to be up by herself and knocked a glass of water onto me so that I would pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 23/01/2018 20:29

Today, I learned that a Hispanic friend wants to marry my girlfriend for citizenship. She's actually considering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

By Loz - 23/01/2018 18:57 - United Kingdom - Norton

Today, I got a letter informing me there ''isn't sufficient reason'' for me to be given backdated unemployment money. Apparently them being closed isn't a sufficient reason for me not going into the unemployment center over Christmas. I went in the first day that they were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 6

By "Dating_ISinsanity" - 23/01/2018 19:19

Today, my incredibly religious girlfriend finally made out with me. She yelled at me for getting a boner and said I'm impure at heart and only want sex from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 19

By "AdeenCuffing" - 23/01/2018 12:54

Today, I threw up at school. Some girl took a picture of me on my knees through the bathroom stall, making it look like I was giving head. I'm the only one with a type of designer shoes at my school. People won't stop staring. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 11

By Gage - 23/01/2018 07:07

Today, I found out I am not my four year old daughter's daddy. How? Through ancestry DNA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 6

By Noflowersforme - 23/01/2018 05:08

Today, I bought flowers for myself and thanked my husband for them to make him think someone was interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 68

By Naomk - 22/01/2018 22:59 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I coughed so hard I fractured a rib. Oh yeah, and I’m also nine months pregnant and still coughing from a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 5

By Luke - 23/01/2018 02:34

Today, I realized how out of shape I was when, after a 3 hour stroll through the city caused me to be sore for the next 3 days in my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 23/01/2018 01:06

Today, my three closest friends decided not to tell me they are all moving an hour away next semester. Together. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 5

By "Michaela R" - 23/01/2018 00:40

Today, while I was taking a shower, my brother knocked on the door and said he needed to pee. The curtain isn't see-through, so this was fine. What was not fine was him taking a used wipe from the trash and throwing it into the shower, saying, "You shouldn't trust me!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 13

By "Rawrimsammy" - 22/01/2018 23:31

Today, I walked half an hour in the snow storm while cars were getting stuck, I kept helping people out of the ditch and as I got up to my job, walked inside my boss told me were closing early and to go back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 3

By Mamabride - 22/01/2018 21:45

Today, my fiancé and I told his family that we would be doing a destination wedding in my home country because it would be cheaper and more accessible to everyone. His parents said they won’t be coming to our wedding unless it’s in New York. We are paying for the wedding ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 4

By livin solo - 22/01/2018 21:04

Today, my girlfriend surprised me when I came home from work. And by "surprised," I noticed that she and my roommate had matching hickeys on their necks. The hikes weren't there when I left for work this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 4

By Need Sleep - 22/01/2018 19:29

Today, I had to watch my grandpa overnight. Would have been fine if he hadn't kept getting up all night, making me get up as well in hope that he wouldn't fall. As soon as the sun comes up and the TV is on he's out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 5

By "DarianM" - 23/01/2018 02:51 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, the guy I've been seeing for 4 months who I really liked dumped me. Why? Because he's got a girlfriend that's he's madly in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boy's Epipen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out, and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 637

You deserved it 56 868

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 969

You deserved it 33 090

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 525

You deserved it 1 635

Today, I was finishing up an internship so while driving past the other interns I said, "Bye losers!" as a joke. It turns out that the CEO was with them and fully heard me yell that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 668

Today, I texted a friend who I met some years ago. I had been asking her for months when she wanted to get together. Each time she said how she was basically too busy. Today was different, she said she was glad for the friendship but her daughter is busier now with new things, and doesn't want to get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 129

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 206