Nearly FMLs

By sleeping13hoursaday - 02/02/2018 21:06

Today, while trying to wean myself off of my 5 hour midday nap, I decided to clean my room, thinking that the activity would make me less tired. I woke up on the floor 5 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 17:25

Today, my landlord texted me about the rent. Ive set a reminder on my phone and I've written it down and I still forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 16:49

Today I found out that my idea to have a spring break with my college friends got turned into a spring break with all my college friends without me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 16:36

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time in weeks and I was excited! He finished within two minutes and then rolled over and played on his phone. While I was still laying lay disappointed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 6

By GetOverIt - 02/02/2018 12:25

Today, my husband found out that I used to be a stripper - 16 years ago (14 years before we met). He's acting like I'm spoiled goods. I have a kid from a previous marriage. I don't know how innocent, he thought I was.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 16

By freezer - 02/02/2018 06:03

Today, my blind date met me, took one look at me, said "Yeah... no" and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

By "George Adrian Balas" - 02/02/2018 04:58

Today, my best friend's wife called me because they had a disagreement. I had to explain to him the difference between an erection and an ejaculation. We're almost 30 and I'm the single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 3

By XxsoulkittyxX - 01/02/2018 20:38 - United States - Mineola

Today, my professor gave me 10hrs of homework to do in a 3hr time period, upon getting home late and having one hour left, my grandma asks me to do the dishes, I say no due to homework, she informs me that she’s removing me from her will and disowning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Delsha - 02/02/2018 03:27

Today, I'm broke, unemployed, 29 weeks pregnant, and in a weirdly complicated relationship. My "partner" is also broke and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 01/02/2018 13:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out I was conceived in a porno. I found out by watching it on Pornhub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 13

By Boots McPants - 01/02/2018 15:06 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my teacher graded my assignment that I had to provide a voice recording for. I accidentally sent a recording of me beatboxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 58

By Sya Fika - 01/02/2018 20:01

Today, my shirt button popped off 20 mins before an interview. The interviewer was a male and it wasn’t exactly a private session. No one missed my sometimes exposed chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2

By CreepyCrawlie - 01/02/2018 18:43

Today, I thought I killed a cockroach. Right when I flushed it, the legs started wriggling. I dare not use the toilet now in fear that it would crawl out from the toilet bowl. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/02/2018 12:19 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my boss definitely farted and it smelled atrocious. He tried to blame the smell on me and claimed that being fat meant that I would have definitely eaten a rotten egg. Everybody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By returning to classic look - 01/02/2018 10:30 - United States - New York

Today, I decided to try out a new look at the work. Later, an insurance agent arrived to assess the damages caused by the fire 2 days ago saying, "I'm here to take pictures of the wreckage.". A co-worker pointed at me saying "She's right over there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 3

By Isasmella - 01/02/2018 16:13

Today, after my housemate's drunken night out, I woke up to find that someone taken a dump on our living room carpet, left brown smears on the sofa and on my tea towel (which they then lovingly left on the kitchen counter). My housemate claims to have no memory of who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By Qpon - 01/02/2018 15:06 - France - Boissy-saint-l?ger

Today, when I got home from work I found my 23 year old half brother from my mother's side and my 19 year old half sister from my father's side having sex in my bed. When I confronted them my sister says that at least if she gets pregnant our kids will have the same grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By Noneya - 01/02/2018 00:02

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years, is married and has children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 8

By missbird - 31/01/2018 22:29

Today, I met my new roommate. Every minute of every day, she lets out a loud, stinky fart, no matter what she eats. I'm stuck with her for at least the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 31/01/2018 18:46

Today, my mom's birthday, I had a whole day planned out where she was going to get pampered by me. After telling her this, she went on to say she wanted to just lay in bed for the day. I paid over $500 for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By PissedOffDaughter - 31/01/2018 18:19

Today, my brother informed me that our runaway father sent him a message on Facebook. We haven’t seen him in 17 years and the first thing he said was “Hey kiddo, it’s been awhile hasn’t it?”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1

By katie - 31/01/2018 17:45

Today, my father is considering disownment. Why? Because I, his only child, do not like Adele. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By MadelaFamme - 31/01/2018 17:38

Today, my two year old son told me that Tide Pods look like candy. I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 21

By MakeThatMyExBf - 31/01/2018 17:32

Today, my boyfriend kept saying "Kristen" in his sleep. I'm not Kristen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 6

By sucky - 31/01/2018 17:29

Today, I got called a 'noob' on an online game because I apparently stink at it. I've been playing the game for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 39

By Brender - 31/01/2018 11:02 - United States - Hamden

Today, a guy was running from the police, jumped over my fence, which broke when he grabbed the top to swing himself and ended up cracking the entire support and my fence fell over and my dogs ran off. Thankfully, my neighbor caught the dogs, but I have an expense of an entire fence to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 3

By Gus - 31/01/2018 15:12

Today, On my birthday, I took the girl I have liked for a long time out to dinner with my family. I had intended to tell her how I felt after the evening, but before I could she told me her weekend plans. On a bus to go hook up with a guy in another town. I'm picking her up after the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 8

By "Ashok Kumar" - 31/01/2018 09:30

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating has two kids. We often we hang out at my place, but today she invited me to her house. One of them called me dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 11

By Nikkibabe104 - 31/01/2018 03:04 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture of myself. I went into work a couple hours later to find my coworker acting weird. I then noticed that I sent the picture to my coworker and he also saved it to his camera roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 69

By lilsis - 31/01/2018 16:07 - Australia - Nundah

Today, I realized that as my sister and I shared one iPhone charger, and only one of us would be able to use it, as I was to be attending boarding school. After thinking for a while, my sister came to a conclusion. Her way of resolving the problem? Smashing my phone. Immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 307

You deserved it 32 211

Today, I received an invitation to my ex’s wedding. We were dating for three years and just broke up four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 230

Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 1 388

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 381

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said, "Being loved by you is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful I now know how it feels to be treated with kindness…" Then the word "but" and her abusive, estranged husband's name were uttered in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 154

Today, I went to the orthopedist resulting from an incident last Sunday during a baseball game. After crushing a hit into right field, I slid into second base, making it thankfully, toppling over the base. The orthopedist needs a STAT MRI about a possible torn ACL and a possible torn MCL. We also lost 22-1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 145