Nearly FMLs

By Vancity girl - 07/02/2018 18:32 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I had to spend $1200 for emergency surgery on my cat. She wouldn’t have needed it if she was spayed. The reason she wasn’t spayed is because I’m waiting for a low income assistance program to get her spayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 07/02/2018 16:35

Today, my friend's sister told me she has a crush on me, I jumped at the opportunity and started acting all romantic then she was like “ I have a boyfriend”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 21

By ChaoticNeutral - 07/02/2018 15:21

Today, my ex-best friend faked being in critical condition at the hospital, even going so far as to have someone call and pretend to be a supervisor from work, just to distract me while she stole $4000 from me then disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

By Sikko - 07/02/2018 14:31

Today, it was my first day back to work after puking my guts up for the past week. Yesterday the office had a sewage backup and they put all of the things that got contaminated in my office so they could clean the other carpet. Sitting here trying hard not to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

By Confused Head - 07/02/2018 13:49

Today, I realized that my roommate and I have asked for and given each other more head than our girlfriends have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 07/02/2018 11:44

Today, a man punched me in the jaw and said "fuck you Dillan." My name is Ryan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By "LostInLife94" - 07/02/2018 02:22 - United States - Compton

Today, my fiance decided that getting video games is more important than getting me something for Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

By "thehaystackerine" - 07/02/2018 09:27

Today, after sex, my wife decided to use her pocket rocket on my asshole. It felt great until I heard her say "uh-oh." I spent the next 40 minutes squatting in the bath tub trying to shut it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 07/02/2018 08:21

Today, I was on the highway, keeping up with traffic but admittedly speeding. The two cars in front of me and behind me were all going just as fast as I was, but the cop decided to just pull over only me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 46

By "karma1221" - 07/02/2018 07:09

Today, a customer at my work (a family friendly pizza restaurant) requested that I turn on the capitals game by naming a specific channel. Little did I know, said the channel was a subscription to a porn channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By FBS - 07/02/2018 05:43

Today, I forgot I had left my 2 vibrators in my hotel bed (we're on vacation). I got to know the maid really well, and I came back to the room realizing she had cleaned. One of my vibrators was sitting on the nightstand on a paper towel (awkward), the bed was made, and my other one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 42

By Anonymous - 07/02/2018 00:50

Today, my mother is a nutcase. My mother in law is a nutcase. My wife is a nutcase. Both my daughters are nutcases. All 5 of these notches are currently crammed into a single vehicle as we head to our holiday home and every one of their problems for the last 100 miles is somehow all my fault FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 23:43

Today I gave my husband a hall pass, but said I don't want to know about it cause it adds to the turn on factor, well, he's told me all about it including all the pics he got and she wants to hook up at our house tomorrow FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 85

By "thefaekitten" - 06/02/2018 23:02

Today, my mom made the nice decision of making me a sandwich since I'm sick. Turns out, she used Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise because she got them mixed up. I can't stop throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 21:06

Today, I sneezed so hard I banged my head on my desk. I now have a concussion because of a fucking sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:19

Today, my boyfriend and I ended our long dry spell, only for me to get my period during sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 12

By divedaily - 06/02/2018 18:45

Today, I bought a box of chocolates and flowers for my flatmates who was going to visit her mom in the hospital. Later on I found out my flatmates kept the flowers for herself and ate all the chocolates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 18:35

Today, while I was changing my 2 month old daughter she decided that not only would it be funny to poop but to poop while mommy was wiping her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 15

By theMachinesAreRising - 06/02/2018 17:00

Today, I used the automatic car wash for the first time by myself. Now my new car is covered in small scratches. I haven't even paid off the 1200 euro damage from the car crash 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 21

By "ShRiMpPiMp94" - 06/02/2018 15:10

Today I spent the morning cleaning up after my boyfriend's failed attempt to get rid of a toothache. He drank too much last night trying to ease the pain and now our bathroom is covered in vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Toni - 06/02/2018 14:56 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I realized I watch way too many YouTube videos, when I had a dream where everything stopped and I got a 30 second unskippable add. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 18

By cloudyskies - 06/02/2018 14:06 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, so my husband of four years decides he's not ready for a family or to be a father, even though we have a three year old son and I'm currently pregnant with our second child.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 3

Happy Birthday to me!

By newcarnewlife - 06/02/2018 11:36

Today, It was my birthday. No big plans for the day since I work night shift, so I decided to hit the gym before work. Little did I know that today of all days I would get into my first car accident. This lady ran a red light because she was too busy putting her make up on. New car totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 2

By Living the Dream - 06/02/2018 07:11

Today, my wife and I were watching some crime show and the woman was getting approached by this pushy guy she just met, I told my wife I bet if the woman cuts a big fart that jerk would back off, so guess what my wife did when I was trying to make some love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 05:43 - Ukraine - Zaporozhye

Today, I never used vibrators in my life, I mentioned once to my bf that maybe I would give it a shot someday. Guess what, I got four identical vibrators for my body from my friends and my bf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 17

By I don't think so! - 06/02/2018 03:32

Today, after years of saving and restoring, my dream car is finally complete! Right before I get to take her out for a drive, my mom said she's putting it to use by having my brother Uber it. That spoiled little dick drives like the biggest asshole in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 00:42

Today, I was looking through my search history when I realized I was still logged in on my boyfriend's phone and could see him too. He is into daddy-daughter incest porn. He's 13 years older than me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 9

By flurounicorns - 06/02/2018 12:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after beating cancer, then loosing 80kg to be healthy, 4yrs of growing my hair out, spending $50,000 on excess skin surgery while being allergic to ALL kinds of pain medication I was finally feeling happy with my transformation. I now have alopecia and people think I did all this for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 4

By back to the drawing board - 05/02/2018 18:13 - United States - New York

Today, at work I thought of pranking the cute and dainty new hire with a realistically detailed plastic cockroach. When she saw it, she walked away with no reaction. After failing, as I pick it up, it suddenly ran away causing me to squeal. The "bait" was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 93

By Hellblazer_Sith - 05/02/2018 23:30

Today, I had a bad stomach. Last night I took what I thought were my sleeping pills only to find out today I took laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 17

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557 843

You deserved it 45 631

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 342

You deserved it 11 913

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 543

You deserved it 7 164

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 718

You deserved it 5 313

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten-free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 785

You deserved it 2 247

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 982

You deserved it 13 848