Nearly FMLs

By Pregoat18o - 31/01/2018 07:06

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant and he didn’t believe me because according to him “girls can’t get pregnant when there’s a condom”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 14

By asdfghjkl - 31/01/2018 06:05

Today, we had guests at the house, and my mom tripped and fell. I asked if she was okay. She got up, dragged me into the other room, and started screaming at me for making her look 'stupid' in front of the guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 4

By stinkygirl - 31/01/2018 04:06

Today, despite showering daily and applying deodorant before school and in between every class, I have still gotten complaints about my body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 3

By jamestheman - 31/01/2018 03:55

Today, I learned my girlfriend's last name. It's hyphenated. I've been dating a married woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 23

By Rain - 31/01/2018 02:45

Today I had set up a very expensive date night for my boyfriend of two years, letting him know about it a week in advance. Why did he blow me off? To go play d&d with his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 10

By Amanda - 31/01/2018 00:06

Today, I caught my boyfriend kissing my identical twin. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 11

By "Yes, That's Me" - 31/01/2018 06:47 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, we were supposed to take an exam, but the teacher forgot and was ready to teach a lesson instead. However, I was outside when she said this. I went in and asked what the exam was. She remembered, my classmates looked at me with hatred in their eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 51

By faaaaack - 30/01/2018 22:28

Today I accidentally swiped super like on my ex boyfriends tinder profile. A super like informs the other person you’ve liked their profile. I hate this man more than words can explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 54

By lil - 30/01/2018 21:53

Today, while at my job as a cashier, I rang up several 'reduced fat' items for a very slim young woman. I remarked that she didn't need to watch her fat intake. She then informed me that she has gallstones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 126

By Robert - 30/01/2018 21:45

Today, I realized I don't know what "spicy" is anymore when my girlfriend had to get help from the waiter at our Thai restaurant due to the fire on her tongue. Apparently I am "inhuman." I just kept eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 8

By sgcaudell - 30/01/2018 21:01

Today was my birthday. I invited 20 people to my house to play games and eat. The only person to show up was a friend of my husbands. None of my friends even told me they weren’t coming. We had so much food left over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 30/01/2018 16:50

Today, I woke up smelling like puke and hung over in a cheap motel. I get up to go to the loo, when I suddenly feel something moist between my toes. I look down, and see my foot sitting on 2 long turds. I screamed, and suddenly a drunken man's voice said from under the sheets, 'those are yours.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 30/01/2018 16:38

Today, on my birthday, I was fired AND I found out that the person who crashed into my parked car last week (& tried blaming it on me) had such crappy insurance that they won't cover the damages even though they agree that it was completely his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By A VERY disgusted co-worker - 30/01/2018 16:27

Today I work in a very small office with one shared bathroom. For the 2nd time I went in to find that my new, very large co-worker left smears on the toilet seat. The 1st time it was blood smeared on the front. This time it was on the back and definitely not blood. FML...

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By its not THAT bad! - 30/01/2018 08:41 - United States - New York

Today, I tried my hand at cooking. When my boyfriend took a tiny taste, he then started to over-act like he was poisoned, and cartoonishly "died" on the kitchen floor with matching flower on both hands on his chest. My parents and little sister saw it, and started laughing their asses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 30/01/2018 00:18 - Canada - Westerose

Today I found out that my husband to be’s whole family hates me... how did I find out? His mother accidentally pocket dialed me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 3

By Blazeroni - 30/01/2018 07:20

Today, I came home from work to find that my roommate brought home a dead crab... Not one he caught or bought at a store, but one he found on a beach crawling with bugs. It smells so horrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

By bad idea - 30/01/2018 10:46 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, my 5 y/o daughter represents USA for her United Nations school program. I asked my brother to teach her about American culture and attitudes. As a touch up, she then practiced her act by throwing a hissy fit while saying "whine whine whine". I forgot, he works in a call center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 14

By SadMama - 29/01/2018 23:08

Today, I realized that in the eleven-and-a-half months since our daughter's birth, my husband and I have had sex a grand total of 3 times. He works days and I work nights. When I try to initiate, he falls asleep. When he tries to initiate, I fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 29/01/2018 22:53

Today, the first time I spent the night at my boyfriends parents house me and my boyfriend fell asleep on the sofa. While I was asleep, I got my period, and it was super heavy. It soaked right through my jeans and ruined their cream sofa FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 6

By GoodGuyCunt - 29/01/2018 12:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to meet someone special for lunch. My boss scheduled a meeting for the exact same time. After I had told her that I wouldn’t make it, my boss cancelled the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 29/01/2018 20:28

Today, after getting to class on time for 3 straight years, I got detention for being 15 minutes late while trying to find where to get my hall pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 7

By Lilyann - 29/01/2018 18:26

Today, I was turned down for a job because I couldn't do a drug test. Do I do drugs? No. I'm simply terrified of peeing under pressure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 22

By Newbie - 29/01/2018 17:11

Today, I returned to my college dorm to find my roommate had destroyed all my expensive things. My Fitbit, my iPad, and my best makeup. Why? Because I took the chips I bought the day before to a get together for older people who had lost their spouse instead of leaving them for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 6

By thistownneedsanenema - 29/01/2018 08:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my boss chose someone else for a promotion, even though I've been there longer, am better at my job, and have been featured in local press for my work. Her reason? Another person was "excited for menial tasks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 678

You deserved it 289

By Bitgone - 29/01/2018 09:36

Today, I remembered that I had over a thousand bitcoins from 2010 on an old laptop that I threw away last year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 29/01/2018 08:41

Today my wife decided to get dressed up in nice lingerie and stockings to help the mood. As things started to heat up one of her new stiletto style nails found its way into my urethra... FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 29/01/2018 00:14 - United States - Carbondale

Today I blew my transmission out of my truck and I have no money to fix it and no money to get another vehicle. I live a few miles out of town and I work in town. Looks like I’m walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 6

By LSUDE - 28/01/2018 22:32 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, a 45 year old man hit on me. He followed me back to my apartment and was using pick up tactics on me. I didn't realize what was going on until he complimented my chest. I'm a 21 year old straight guy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Loserface - 29/01/2018 04:57

Today, I was helping a friend with house repairs. He proceeded to rub sandpaper on my forehead and said "I'm fixing your ugly." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 4

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because, "Bros before hoes." They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 414

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 180

You deserved it 2 875

Today, I turned on the air conditioner in my room, even though it's absolutely freezing in there. Why? To drown about my mom and brother talking. My mom swears that they aren't arguing, but they're so damn loud that it doesn't even matter. They know I'm autistic and that I have hyperacusis. However, they don't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 257

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 504

You deserved it 52 431

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 492

You deserved it 9 891

Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 225