Nearly FMLs

By Oops - 05/02/2018 20:18

Today, I accidentally came out to my conservative parents. My girl got dropped off to sleep over while my mum was at work, so we were alone for the next few hours. An hour later, I'm on top of her and we're making out, when her mum comes back in because she forgot something. She hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 18

By "bigpond48" - 05/02/2018 13:11

Today, I have slept with my headphones on for the past three years now and tonight I decided not to wear them. five seconds after turning my light off to go to sleep a flying insect made its way inside my ear and I've just spent the last 30 minutes flushing it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 05/02/2018 12:14

Today, I used the last of my medical weed to get me through the day. I have a degenerative nerve disorder that causes great pain, and gets worse in cold weather. The high for the next two weeks is -5F. I can't get any more MEDs for 11 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 9

By Friendo McGreedy - 05/02/2018 01:41

Today, I planned a trip to visit my depressed best friend to cheer her up. I also just got a call offering a high paying 3-month gig 700 miles away. I've been out of work and desperately need the money. She's inconsolable and won't speak to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 4

By WellShit - 04/02/2018 23:00

Today, I had the chance to have sex with a girl I’ve had a crush on for years. The problem? My dick wouldn’t get up. When it did, it still sucked. Turns out she has a disorder where she can’t feel anything in her clitoris. Her final words to me? “Your dick looks too small anyways.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 13

By Tooyoungfordishit - 04/02/2018 21:54

Today, my 3000 word essay was typed up and ready on the bench. So was my full coffee cup. Great time for an earthquake... FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By booboo300 - 04/02/2018 19:32

Today, I picked the jalapeños out of a jalapeño cheese bagel I was eating. Five minutes later I rubbed my eye. Ten hours later and my eye is still burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 55

By Jessykosis - 04/02/2018 18:13

Today, I'd been getting my art back on track so I could finally start selling at cons. As I was walking down my hallway to my room, I turned a corner and somehow my Dyspraxic arms swung out and hit a wall. My finger bent backwards and now it hurts too much to draw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

By inconceivable! - 04/02/2018 23:52 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, my sister-in-law asked me to tell her daughter about the "birds and the bees". I started with "when a man and a woman falls in love...", my boyfriend suddenly interrupted saying "the man gets on the woman like this and this happens" as he humps my ass. My niece just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 16

By "Boyufd" - 04/02/2018 06:20

Today, I tried to pick up what I thought was a speck of dust. It was actually a spider's nest. The mother wasn't so happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By "hopelesslybecca" - 04/02/2018 06:17

Today, I found out the guy I just broke up with had been cheating on me for two months with a girl who is still in high school. She knows my little sister. He is almost 23 and she is barely 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 03/02/2018 21:05 - Colombia - Medell?n

Today, my ex boyfriend's girlfriend posted a Facebook video celebrating their two-year anniversary. Apparently, they started dating 3 weeks before we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 04/02/2018 02:47

Today, a guy in a bright red morph suit with cowboy boots, an incredible hulk mask, a pirate hat and a Peppa pig rucksack ran up to me, sprayed white paint on the crotch of my trousers then ran away screaming “totally random cock shot” as loud as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2

By irresponsible teen - 04/02/2018 02:25

Today, my mom threatened to sell my 5 month-old puppy to some strangers if I "don't start taking care of her more." I'm 16 years old & have literally raised her since birth. I'm the only person in my entire family who takes care of our 5 dogs (3 pups & 2 adults) consistency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By KaiserViriatus - 03/02/2018 18:37 - Portugal

Today, at dinner with my parents, after election day, my father told me that I don't know anything about politics. I'm finishing a PhD in Political Science, been teaching at a college for the past 4 years and I'm a published author. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 03/02/2018 20:06

Today, after being assaulted last July, pressing charges, and having them dismissed due to my key witness passing, I woke up to three of my tires slashed. I called my insurance and they won't cover it if it's not all four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 2

By FamilyPride - 03/02/2018 20:05

Today, while talking to my grandmother, I found out I was the family embarrassment because she thought I was a cousin and she couldn’t wait to dish about ME to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 2

By "FUBAR79" - 03/02/2018 19:32

Today, while riding my bicycle to get my job back, I was hit by an SUV. The woman said her windshield was foggy. She had to go around curves to get to my road which is a long straightaway. A half mile away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 3

By shadjsjaa - 03/02/2018 11:56 - United States - Edmond

Today, I picked a scab on my lip in my sleep, and I woke up to a nasty lip bleed. After five hours of lip balm, vaseline, bandages, and holding a wet paper towel to my face, I have resorted to crying and begging my lip to stop gushing blood. My job interview is in half an hour. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 9

By Cat E. Salazar - 03/02/2018 18:45

Today, as I was holding my 10 month old niece, she halfway ripped out my lip ring. Now I’m waiting in the hospital to see how many stitches I’m going to need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 34

By Fighter - 03/02/2018 18:12

Today, my crush knocked at my door and told me to stop yelling all the time. It turns out he was living in the apartment on top of mine from the start. I had no idea. And now, God knows how many of my loud, stupid, and embarrassing fights with my brother he could have heard. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 62

By Confusedinlove - 03/02/2018 15:00

Today, my aux cord brushed against my thigh. My loving, considerate, dedicated boyfriend of 3 years doesn't excite me, but an aux cord gave me tingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 13

By kbp97531 - 03/02/2018 01:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my husband will not get out of bed to have sex on the couch, but he will get out of bed to make his jalapeno poppers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By spice-girl-ky - 03/02/2018 07:39

Today, my friends mom caught us making out. We're both 15.Her mom hit me so hard my mouth bled, then told my mom, now my mom knows that I'm gay then she took my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 03/02/2018 06:14

Today, I got a stomach bug from my mom. She had a suspicion about what it was but didn't tell me until afterwards because she 'didn't want me to panic'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By tooyoungforthisshit - 03/02/2018 05:32

Today, after being at work for only two hours, I threw my back out doing heavy duty work at a factory. They made me stay for the entire thirteen hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2

By sosoballsy - 03/02/2018 05:24

Today, after being sick with strep, pink eye, and then the flu within the past couple months, I woke up this morning only to discover I now have a skin infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Scared college student - 03/02/2018 04:31

Today, I was woken up at 4am to what I thought was a rat in my bed, turns out my hamster escaped from his cage and wanted to explore my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 16

By katiemae - 03/02/2018 04:30

Today, I realized that my front door doesn't close all the way unless you lock the deadbolt. I found this out after waking up to insane thrashing sounds.... my 1200 pound bull had let himself in looking for his special treats.. Blueberry bagels. I now need new carpet and a new front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 11

By boopingsnoot - 03/02/2018 04:10

Today, the antibiotics have killed my sinus infection but set off a yeast infection. Can't I catch a fucking break? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, I went to the pickup location where the email from Amazon said my package was, but they didn't have it. Through order tracking, I then found out that it has been delivered to the wrong location, on the other side of town. This has happened twice in a row now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 92

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 737

You deserved it 2 742

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 561

You deserved it 3 474

Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 387

You deserved it 504

Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 303

Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 3 550