Nearly FMLs

By FoodBaby - 28/01/2018 19:19 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I was at a wedding and a 13 year old girl asked me if I was pregnant. Nope, just 34 and at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 7

By Sad Son - 29/01/2018 00:22

Today, I my university would not allow me to skip my exam to go to my mother's funeral. After waiting in the class for 50 minutes, word had come that the professor was sick. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 6

By Unwanted2017 - 29/01/2018 00:11

Today, the family and I went out for my dad's birthday meal. Some family friends joined us and one happened to be my dads crush, although he is still married to my mother. I basically got ignored by my dad as he was too busy with his crutch and her kids. I can feel the love... FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By obviously not the favorite - 28/01/2018 23:50

Today, my sister brought home some lemon squares. As we were having some, she said that one of the squares has something "special" in it. Knowing what she means, I yelled at her with mom rescuing her. At work, the surprise drug test happened. Guess who's now unemployed and called an ingrate? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 28/01/2018 18:44

Today, I found out that my female friend of 6 years slept with me 1 night when I got wasted and never told me. She has a son that looks strangely like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 28/01/2018 16:13

Today I turned over in bed to get more comfortable and pulled my back. I lay there in agony for half an hour before finding the courage to stand up to find some painkillers. I'm only 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By "xxghostxx98789" - 28/01/2018 14:55

Today I found out my car has an option to use the remote to open the windows.. while I was at work. Everything was taken. My keys were in my pocket and there's no way to disable the feature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

By TinyRick - 28/01/2018 11:31

Today, I’ve always feared that I had a very small penis. That fear was confirmed after the girl I was seeing dumped me, and told all our mutual friends that I do indeed have a tiny dick. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 2

By rawr117 - 28/01/2018 10:31

Today, I was playing Overwatch with my girlfriend. She started cursing a lot, so I jokingly told her I was going to report her. She said I wouldn’t dare. I did it just for shits and giggles. I got her account temporarily banned. She now refuses to touch me until the ban ends. 56 days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 112

By Sucker - 28/01/2018 06:18

Today, I was about to toss some old cell phones. To my surprise the phone my girlfriend dropped in the toilet turned on. I quickly checked to see if her only picture of her grandparents was still on it. Turns out I'm 1 of 3 guys she's been seeing the worst part is the messages are dated a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 28/01/2018 00:14 - New Zealand

Today, I found out my mum is into wearing furry tail butt plugs when I found one whilst looking for a place to hide her birthday present. There is not enough bleach in the world for my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 9

By aspenthesmall - 27/01/2018 19:48 - United States

Today, I found out my friends are bailing on me for my birthday celebration. For the third year in a row. Every year I've invited different friends and planned everything myself. I even bought a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 27/01/2018 22:06

Today, I was taking a break from working on a major computer science assignment where we had to make a video explaining our code. I accidentally left the program running so it captured an hour of footage of me going on Facebook talking with my GF. I misplaced my actual footage and sent that clip to him FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 62

By Husband - 27/01/2018 18:01

Today, my wife told me how wonderful I am in her eyes and that she would love a child from me, how do I tell her I can’t have kids FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 39

By Chewin gum - 26/01/2018 22:48 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend and we had just woken up. My boyfriend got up to pull up the blinds of my room and had to pass over me to do it, while he was at it he farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 12

By Charlie - 26/01/2018 19:32 - United Kingdom - Canterbury

Today, the guy I'd been dating for two months cheated on me. When I caught him making out with another girl he completely ignored me, even though I was in tears. My friend punched him and he told me to never speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 8

By Burchelle - 26/01/2018 20:19

Today, I got my exam results back! I take seven classes, five of which my results were a 90 and above. And the other two? 82 for AP Biology and 83 for AP French. Excited about my results, I told my grandparents... In which they proceeded to scold me about getting such "low scores." BIG FML.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 9

By Trying My Best - 26/01/2018 20:11

Today, I replied to a long awaited email confirming a job interview for next week. I just realized after thanking the company for considering me, I misspelled my own last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 54

By Nolongerconstipated - 26/01/2018 18:00

Today, was the best day of my week. Then I realized the highlight of my week was being able to poop successfully for the first time all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 7

By bobkornuke - 26/01/2018 17:40

Today, my friend of 35 years told me that he didn't want to go for birthday dinner because our relationship had become awkward. We live 40 min away, have different careers and social circles. So, we don't see each other much. He felt we didn't have enough in common any more. 35 years didn't cut it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 8

By SaucyJacky - 26/01/2018 03:57 - United States - Lacey

Today, I came home from work and saw that I had left out my hemorrhoidal suppositories on my bathroom counter. I'm not what's worse, the fact that I need them and I'm only 21, or the fact that I live with my best friend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 26/01/2018 04:31

Today, I witnessed my fiance of 4 years, eating her boogers. She noticed and quickly started a different conversation. I haven't said a word. this has happened at least 50 times now. I don't know what to say, or even do in this situation FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 13

By "Squink" - 26/01/2018 01:28 - United Kingdom - Bridlington

Today, I was sending nudes to my boyfriend on snapchat when it started to jitter and go down my contacts... Accidentally ended up sending it to my ex boyfriends new girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 25/01/2018 23:10

Today, while bagging groceries where I work I was yelled at by an elderly customer for setting their giant package of paper towels in their cart instead of bagging it. When I tried to explain that there is no way it would fit in a bag, they called me a liar and demanded to speak to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 4

By Zootopiawasright - 25/01/2018 23:10

Today, I went to the DMV to fix a typo they made on my license in both my middle and last names. It was a 3 hour wait for a 5 minute fix. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/01/2018 22:37

Today, my girlfriend told me she’s dating me so that she feels like she’s helping the disabled. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 3

By Reiko - 26/01/2018 01:24 - India - Bangalore

Today, I finally finished a surprise gift I’ve been working on for my boyfriend - a book of poems on our time together. Moments before I could reveal it to him, he broke up with me over text. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 5

By Nik - 25/01/2018 13:52

Today, I decided to shave downstairs to give it a cleaner look. When I look at my balls, I realized that 1 has a darker skin tone than the others. They've never got exposed to the sun, and now they look like Yin & Yang. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 24/01/2018 23:52

Today, my dental hygienist gave me a lecture on how I should have my wisdom teeth removed, after I told her they were fine, she scraped them as hard as she could before tearing the filling out of the tooth beside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 24/01/2018 18:34

Today, after being the only person in my house to remain flu-free for an entire week, I woke up barely alive. I have an interview for a promotion in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 5

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to a party with 5 of my friends. Within five minutes, they'd all paired up and gone. Then it was just me, drinking my pain away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 139

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 084

You deserved it 34 043

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 057

You deserved it 4 071

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 860

You deserved it 6 966

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 9 725

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 825

You deserved it 4 825