Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/02/2018 23:26

Today, I started my period at work, while taking my mid-morning poop... in a stall with no paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 19

By sallymay - 16/02/2018 15:15 - United States - Rockland

Today, I realized that I might have a slight alcohol problem. I was reading FMLs and laughed out loud at one, amazed because the same situation happened to me the other day when I was drinking. I looked at the name and location - it was my post. I don't remember submitting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 46

By "EpicOracle" - 16/02/2018 21:11

Today, I realized the Facebook post my girlfriend made for Valentine's day was her way of breaking up with me. It read: "God of the single people, please help me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 6

By GSM2 - 16/02/2018 20:02

Today I told my best friend I have feelings for her. She then told me she was fucking our teacher. FML...

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 16/02/2018 19:17

Today, I spent at least 30 seconds convinced I was being attacked by some sort of large black insect flying around my head until I realised it was just a lock of my hair caught in the hinge of my glasses flying into the corner of my eye every time I flung my head round trying to see the insect FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 13

By sploosh - 16/02/2018 19:02

Today, I got my period. I also got a cold that causes me to continuously sneeze and cough. If you know anything about periods, you know why that’s torture. I’m like a ketchup packet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 5

By not a lawyer - 16/02/2018 12:58 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, both of my parents are lawyers who have suffered from OCD at one point in their lives. I picked up one of these things from them, and it’s not that I want to be a lawyer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By Doomed - 16/02/2018 18:32

Today, I stopped working with a company because I was going to work with a more successful one. I also sent the owner of the previous company a very rude email, telling him he should learn something from them. Turns out he's owning both companies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 198

By Fuzzy - 16/02/2018 12:23 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my boyfriend’s cat started to claw my dress because it was frilly. I kicked his cat in annoyance. The cat then bit me so I kicked it again. He dumped me. I just found out the cat was a gift from his aunt who is now dead.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 247

By Lonesome - 16/02/2018 17:06

Today, my boyfriend went on vacation alone as I can't afford the trip. I'm now sitting at home alone during my holidays. He doesn't even answer my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Favorite uncle - 16/02/2018 10:58 - United States - Orlando

Today, I went to shop some groceries and was putting them in the trunk of the car, I found my little niece who was with her grandparents and I was so happy to see her that I picked her up and raised her high, so high then she got hit by the trunk's door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 14

By "david0504" - 16/02/2018 10:18

Today, it has been 2 weeks since I last heard from my gay friend. I told him I loved him, and then he blocked me on all possible social networks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

By Deadpool - 16/02/2018 09:07

Today, I was in a grocery store with my mom. I saw my mom messing with the gift cards with about 15 in her hand. I walked up to her and said “what the hell are you doing with those?” she replied “excuse me?” I looked up to realize it wasn’t my mom, it was a worker restocking the cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 72

By "DraftHail614" - 16/02/2018 05:46

Today, my girlfriend of two years has become a feminist. I have been accused of "mansplaining" a few times already. After trying to convince her that isn't a real thing, she says things won't work between us if I'm a part of this society's patriarchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 110

By "tallvet" - 16/02/2018 00:44

Today, I was driving to work and my truck started sputtering very badly. It was my dad's, who claims to know a lot about cars. I called and asked when was the last time he changed the fuel filter. He says he's never had it changed. He's owned it for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 16/02/2018 00:32

Today, my sister decided it was okay to tear up a 1000 piece puzzle that I had been working 2 days (about 20ish) hours on because it was on the dining room table and dinner was ready but I wasn’t home yet. Even when there is a board nearby that I was using for that specific reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 14

By bgdrpepper - 15/02/2018 23:19

Today, I had been dating this guy for well over a month and we were on our way to a concert that I’ve waited almost my whole life to see when he decided to break up with me on the drive there. I had to stand next to him through the whole concert and then took him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 3

By Anon - 15/02/2018 22:56

Today, I had biology honors class. We used yeast in an experiment, and we kept making jokes about how if you ate yeast it'd end up making bread in your stomach. I decided to say out loud, "Maybe you shouldn't eat yeast, you might get a yeast infection," I thought it was a stomach ache from yeast... FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 15/02/2018 21:07

Today, I found out my girlfriend is a devious sneak. Whenever I tell her about all the sneaky doings me and my coworkers get up to at work, she tells my manager in exchange for a huge in store discount, never mind that it gets me in trouble for harmlessly goofing around during work hours FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 73

By AEC - 15/02/2018 20:11 - Poland - Polska

Today, after a long audit season, working constant extra hours and sleep in only 4 to 5 hours per day, I was so tired, that when I arrived at a crossroad I tried to switch the light from red to green with our gate’s remote control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By Mswriter1996 - 15/02/2018 10:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm 21 years old and I've never had a job. I can't get an ID because I don't have my SSC or birth certificate. And I don't have the money to buy that stuff. Instead of growing up I feel like I'm stuck as a teenager... FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 19

By Whymeee - 15/02/2018 14:29

Today, I waited a full 4 hours for my next university class to start. It was only after the wait that I realised it would start running next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 61

By Chris - 15/02/2018 06:21

Today, would've been my day off. Yet I got up early, took the bus to where my car was parked, scraped the ice off its windows, and drove through the whole town to a meeting. When I arrived, I found out everybody else had cancelled the last minute appointment, so I could've stayed in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 4

By Oneluckylady - 15/02/2018 06:16

Today, I masturbated in lingerie while my fiance slept uncaring beside me. At least I got one orgasm on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 15/02/2018 06:09

Today the cashier at Shoprite messed up so many times on my order that I had to go back to the store three times just to get it all fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

By Chris - 15/02/2018 06:07

Today, my internet router had outages, so I called the support. After 20 minutes on the holding stack, the guy said he couldn't hear me properly (due to the outages), he'll call me via mobile, and hung up immediately. I knew my stored mobile number was outdated and could only be updated online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 11

By "sadqween230" - 14/02/2018 23:07 - Canada

Today, I fucked up my hair. I have to dye it black now because no other colour will cover over my mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 26

By jimmy - 15/02/2018 04:25

Today, my 3 year old dumped a third can of formula in under a week on the floor to play trains in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 32

By OTL - 15/02/2018 03:37

Today, Valentine's Day, the most important man in my life took me out to dinner. By which I mean, I'm 25 and my dad took me to Five Guys for burgers, because we are both so pathetically single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By NoIceCreamTodayGrandad - 15/02/2018 01:35

Today, a security guard publicly embarrassed me for parking in a handicapped space, although I am not disabled. My grandfather and his wheelchair were also in the car, but even this wasn’t enough to make the guard stop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 7

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 405

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 461

You deserved it 352

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 304

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 724

You deserved it 8 492

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 51

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 114