Nearly FMLs

By innocentconvogonewrong - 13/02/2018 04:56

Today, my elderly coworker asked if I had a boyfriend. I casually said no. He then asked if I’ve ever had one, to which I also replied no. He then went around and told all of our other coworkers that I’m a virgin. I’m only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 5

By Sleeper Agent - 13/02/2018 00:54

Today, I slept in. not only did I miss a test that's worth a quarter of my grade, but I also missed the deadline to turn in my defensive driving course certificate. Now I have to appear in court or I'll be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 88

By notgettinglaidtonight - 12/02/2018 16:43 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my package for a new dildo I got came to my address. What I didn’t know Is that my dad had opened it. It now resides in his closet for some reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By "KurlyCue22" - 12/02/2018 20:17

Today, I delivered a pizza to a bunch of kids who not only didn't tip me, but asked me for 89 cents to help pay for their food. When I told them I couldn't so that, they made me wait outside for 10 minutes while they scrounged up enough change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 12/02/2018 11:47

Today, I walked in on my 92 and 87 year old great-grandparents having sex. I don't know if I should be grossed out, or happy that I will probably still get erections when I am 92. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By What a mess - 12/02/2018 23:31 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I rescued our enormous class caterpillar from a less than ideal location. As I attempted to place him back on his swan plant, someone behind me dropped a pile of plates. Let's just say my reflexes are working just fine... and we need a new caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 2

By Sim - 12/02/2018 09:02

Today, I got really turned on by my lesbian Sims woo-hooing. My older sister walked in on me, and all she could say was “I wish I was surprised.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 12/02/2018 04:33

Today I got severely scolded by my girlfriend for being "rude" to Alexa when I was speaking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

By jordanashley211 - 12/02/2018 02:56

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone decided to call my ex best friend who happens to be my boyfriends ex girlfriend. It left her a 24 second voicemail. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 76

By Love Abroad - 11/02/2018 22:45 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, after 4 years of relationship and 2 living together abroad, my fiancé left me. I have to move out in a week. I have no money, friends, or family close, and I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 3

By ImDone - 12/02/2018 02:43

Today, my husband, who once long ago criticized me for having a single drink at a Derby Party, told me that he doesn't want to be micro-managed in regards to drinking... after he's drunk so much (while home alone) I have come home and found him face down on the bathroom floor, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By "pocahauntas91" - 12/02/2018 02:35

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, she had an explosive fart that got poop all over my hand. I then pushed my hair out of my face with the same hand only moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 31

By mmdavis - 11/02/2018 20:29 - United States - Belchertown

Today marks 4/10 days in a row that I have worked without a day off. Why don't I have any days off? Because my boss is on her second trip to Florida in less than two months and I'm her only employee in her small business. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 11/02/2018 20:13 - United States - Woodside

Today, my boyfriend, who told me he wanted to marry me, called me from jail to tell me his girlfriend was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 7

By no - 12/02/2018 01:27

Today, my dad told me he was bringing a girl over, later to find out it was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 5

By ex waifu - 11/02/2018 20:58

Today, my recent ex-husband wrote "Just Divorced!" on his back windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 14

By dumped - 11/02/2018 18:27

Today, a friend urgently needed to talk to me. Turns out his Grindr hookup from last night is my ex-fiance who dumped me two weeks ago for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By NoFlushForMe - 11/02/2018 18:05

Today, I woke up and dropped a great big steamy turd in the toilet. No one told me the water was shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By Ajaxxan - 11/02/2018 17:30

Today, I was watching Steven Universe on my lunch break, just as my boss happened to walk by. I was fired for watching pornographic material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 23

By Our7thAnniversaryWasNextMonth - 11/02/2018 10:47

Today, I finally finished hand-making my girlfriend a bouquet in her favourite colours and a giant microwavable rabbit, as a surprise present since she's seemed distant. I came home to an empty apartment, and half my stuff gone.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 7

By just my luck - 10/02/2018 23:50 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the last six months. Not only did he stay with me for sex but the other girls he was sleeping with gave him Chlamydia. How do I know? He’s the only person I’ve ever slept with and I just found out I have it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 10/02/2018 23:22 - United States - Alice

Today, I've come to the realization that despite everyone telling me how beneficial being pregnant and taking prenatals will be for my hair, only my pubes are growing longer/thicker than usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By Hahakillme - 10/02/2018 18:26 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I finished typing the last chapter of my pornography novel on Google Drive. The problem? I accidentally did it on my mom’s account. She called a priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 80

By NotPregnant - 11/02/2018 11:42 - Australia - Carlton

Today, is the third week of my diet, in which I've lost 3 kilos. Today is also the second time while on my diet I've been to a party. Someone has asked if I'm pregnant at both events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By "Spad3d1337" - 10/02/2018 19:16 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew a football for his birthday. He immediately threw it when he opened it. It hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 11

By AlyCat98 - 11/02/2018 00:05

Today, I had an argument with my family about how some of the things they said came off in a bad way and made it seem like I wasn’t allowed to date or have friends. Near the end of it, my stepdad told me he would shoot any black man who stepped foot on his property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By Sarkar - 11/02/2018 00:00

Today, I got rejected for adopting a child because I was arrested 4 years ago for possession of marijuana. Charges were supposedly dropped... supposedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

By GodDamnitDysney - 10/02/2018 23:33

Today, at 17 years old, my son still says “goodbye Wilbur” whenever he eats pork and refuses to eat seafood because “fish are friends not food”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 10/02/2018 16:21 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my grandparents had been arrested for trying to break into his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 10/02/2018 14:35 - Canada

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend for liking the actress from 50 Shades of Gray. When I pointed out that he doesn't fawn on me like he does her, he said "it's not your fault that you aren't pretty babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 19

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 989

You deserved it 5 325

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 663

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 261

You deserved it 12 174

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 719

You deserved it 1 698

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 827

You deserved it 17 393

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 126

You deserved it 5 693