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Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

#8824480
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (3214)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

#19502060
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23313) - you deserved it (2827)

On 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm - misc - by apparentlyawomanbeater (man) - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

#21438439
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (5211)

On 07/08/2015 at 9:58am - health - by Softball - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (43545)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

#17509957
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (6783)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:40pm - animals - by princessbbee - United States

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

#3630061
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23308) - you deserved it (58259)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

#21456823
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (2190)

On 08/16/2015 at 7:18pm - misc - by NOOOOOO - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

#21456680
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23308) - you deserved it (1473)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (9984)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (48177)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

#13933361
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

#18954545
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23303) - you deserved it (2071)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

#19806951
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23302) - you deserved it (3176)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - misc - by Myriam (woman) - Maldives (Maale)



FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #17
  • It's here! Yep, time once more to delve into the darkest corners of the FML postbag and check out the stuff that never would've seen the light of day, had we not had a vicious streak in our brains. It's…

Tuesday 25 August 2015

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