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Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

by mississpissi / 07/14/2015 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

by nerderer / 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

by nomorefreehugs / 06/27/2011 at 7:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

by Grounded / 09/05/2011 at 7:32am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

by bummed out step monster / 06/24/2015 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Work

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 2:11pm / United States / Health

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

by Bliss / 02/09/2009 at 1:24pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 2:13am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health