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Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

by nodad / 10/11/2011 at 12:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought medical gloves to protect my hands from various chemicals at work since I have eczema. I had an allergic reaction to the gloves, and now my eczema is even worse. FML

by retyi43 / 03/24/2012 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

by First Kiss / 12/07/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

by Flooded / 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my mother bitched me out for not finishing my laundry. I'm a 37-year-old mother of three. She rents my basement suite. FML

by Gremlinswife / 07/24/2012 at 4:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

by fuckingbeliebers / 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

by SaggyBoy135 / 07/12/2011 at 8:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

by mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn / 09/03/2012 at 4:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 10:33pm / United States / Love

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

by Mondo / 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

by me / 12/19/2010 at 9:26pm / Bulgaria / Miscellaneous

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

by gumchuck / 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous