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Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

#225937
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14793) - you deserved it (62022)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14784) - you deserved it (235853)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14775) - you deserved it (28146)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

#18833422
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14773) - you deserved it (23376)

On 01/17/2012 at 8:20am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14765) - you deserved it (51977)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

#10696797
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14751) - you deserved it (41425)

On 05/22/2010 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

#18795582
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14740) - you deserved it (38694)

On 01/13/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by machismo - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got to my underground parking garage at work and saw my boss pulling into a spot. I thought I would show him my reverse parking skills and decided to park beside him. As I was pulling in he opened his door to get out and I smashed into it, nearly running him over. FML

#488683
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14739) - you deserved it (63998)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by mikej1985 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14716) - you deserved it (38356)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

#20192045
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14710) - you deserved it (48499)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27am - kids - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

#4699130
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14710) - you deserved it (46014)

On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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