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Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

by thepigeonsfriend / 05/07/2012 at 10:08am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

by ice cream dude / 08/10/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

by an anon / 03/27/2015 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 1:22am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

by Buzz / 11/29/2008 at 11:11am / Work

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

by nobrows / 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

by somefamily / 04/26/2012 at 3:11am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

by jaeilssanguh / 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous