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Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25346) - you deserved it (2046)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

#21436783
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25346) - you deserved it (1953)

On 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm - misc - by izaya - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

#14705943
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25345) - you deserved it (3349)

On 01/25/2011 at 2:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Ulsan-gwangyoksi)

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25346) - you deserved it (2447)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

#20004599
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25343) - you deserved it (4979)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25340) - you deserved it (5700)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

#8837670
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25340) - you deserved it (3669)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:23am - work - by koletatlow19 - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

#2234
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (2191)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:35pm - work - by Promo girl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (107573)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

#19152060
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25336) - you deserved it (7079)

On 02/24/2012 at 3:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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