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Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

#7211285
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (5578)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by iamshrimpy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

#14365818
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21696) - you deserved it (5032)

On 12/28/2010 at 3:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

#20084489
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (2225)

On 09/23/2012 at 1:03am - health - by Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

#1354
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (1549)

On 01/16/2009 at 9:58am - love - by Down - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

#8458857
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (2042)

On 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm - work - by monochromatic - United States (New York)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21694) - you deserved it (27395)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

#19397276
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21694) - you deserved it (1728)

On 04/02/2012 at 8:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

#11305876
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (28634)

On 06/19/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Momma - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (3769)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21685) - you deserved it (36601)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21683) - you deserved it (42647)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

#14056673
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21682) - you deserved it (2529)

On 12/02/2010 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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