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Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

#4320217
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16169) - you deserved it (36350)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

#21070121
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16168) - you deserved it (36788)

On 02/24/2014 at 4:36am - misc - by I hate Walmart???? - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

#3228373
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16160) - you deserved it (59824)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:31am - love - by f03_f0r_l1f3 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

#20122007
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16158) - you deserved it (4747)

On 10/18/2012 at 1:33am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

#67274
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16151) - you deserved it (49574)

On 02/18/2009 at 9:29am - misc - by Thatkid (man) - Singapore

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

#1958510
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16149) - you deserved it (56005)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

#20066193
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16142) - you deserved it (10433)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:19pm - health - by greeple - Singapore

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

#285039
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16139) - you deserved it (65337)

On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

#12612052
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16130) - you deserved it (27428)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by roflcopter (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversley impacting morale". FML

#20122652
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16128) - you deserved it (1810)

On 10/18/2012 at 3:40pm - work - by johnnyfuckfacer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

#20450824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16125) - you deserved it (30126)

On 01/09/2013 at 9:37pm - love - by niki (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16126) - you deserved it (64703)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16122) - you deserved it (4360)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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