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Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

#20894041
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20736) - you deserved it (2039)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20735) - you deserved it (42099)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

#7619521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20734) - you deserved it (7679)

On 01/27/2010 at 7:27pm - health - by fuuuuck (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

#17868500
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20732) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/30/2011 at 12:50am - work - by nearlythere - Australia

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

#11895000
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20731) - you deserved it (25889)

On 07/15/2010 at 5:31am - misc - by bigmikenyc - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

#20013231
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20731) - you deserved it (2771)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:57am - misc - by blink_kid - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

#6821061
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (13362)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by GlassPwn (woman) - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

#8972575
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20727) - you deserved it (2256)

On 03/10/2010 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by robotchickens (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

#20078726
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (3025)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by Burntintomyretinas - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (9171)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

#17948621
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20722) - you deserved it (4205)

On 10/10/2011 at 12:13am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

#7192176
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (2881)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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