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December 2013

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Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44456) - you deserved it (5334)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42925) - you deserved it (5365)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49751) - you deserved it (5767)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

#21008500
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (3111)

On 12/28/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by worstwaytodumpagirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

#20982484
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42340) - you deserved it (16217)

On 12/06/2013 at 2:08am - money - by butterfingers - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43320) - you deserved it (3560)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50404) - you deserved it (4056)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

#21011680
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (9376)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47782) - you deserved it (7402)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43750) - you deserved it (7109) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

#20989738
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55962) - you deserved it (3452)

On 12/12/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by >.> (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

#21008243
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38878) - you deserved it (6779) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52024) - you deserved it (14952)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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