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Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
524 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59729) - you deserved it (327293)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143188) - you deserved it (8132)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
744 comments

I agree, your life sucks (292136) - you deserved it (157464)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90790) - you deserved it (14239)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40590) - you deserved it (4325)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
588 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14263) - you deserved it (56309) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45244) - you deserved it (5071)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (192107) - you deserved it (49010)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (147119)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you deserved it (91685)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States



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