Miscellaneous: The gift

The gift

By bubblensuds1 - 28/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 097

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Same thing different taste

By Aether - 03/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 939

You deserved it 7 594

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 446

You deserved it 42 530

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 124

Sex is out of the window

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 13:59

Today, I heard a woman moaning while I was walking on a sidewalk. I didn't mind, until someone dropped a recently-used condom on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 139

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 591

You deserved it 2 802

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 777

You deserved it 2 541

By iNearlyHurled - 28/09/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 015

You deserved it 2 813

Cheers, asshat

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 352

You deserved it 5 036

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 481

You deserved it 293

By ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 263

depechemode 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:44

...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.

perdix 29

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:54

"I'm sorry, Your Honor, about the accident, but I didn't see the other car because I was blinded by the semen." He'll want to see you in camera.

Comments

stupiddumbblonde 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:18

What the. it said I'm

Jcat_fml 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 15:19

I agree, how can you say YAY and then FML? it's just dumb.

drummer_dude 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 16:45

What happens when she turns the window wipers on because it's raining? It splits the condom and all the semen is spread over her window.

GJMO 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:15

I guess you would like a used condom flapping on your car then. Ofcousre it is an FML

teach09 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:16

How is this a FML? You don't seem very upset by it. It was tied so nothing came out. hmm...

procrastinatorrr 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:50

haha yeah, it was raining - windshield wipers plus untied condom could've got messy! would have been funny to see anyway

depechemode 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:44

...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.

jadeddream 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 23:08

#34 = WIN.

Allison_H 0

Sunday 4 July 2010 16:59

#34 Wins for greatest comment, therefore, winning the thread... And one hell of an awesome Screen Name. Depeche Mode FTW. #34. FTW.

embr 0

Monday 18 April 2011 18:09

hahahahahahahaha!!!! tht made my life

stupiddumbblonde 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:19

What is going on???? I can't see my comments!!!

rainbowfrootloop 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:29

that's just nasty!!

vishmir 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:32

Hmmm.. looks like this should be on lml. College days are the best! :D

spaaw 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:34

haha made me lol

the_holy_one 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:49

Asher Roth FTW!!!

enough4 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:34

"Man, I love college. **** my life."

BrunetteHottiie 0

Thursday 29 October 2009 3:10

Sarcasm

LzrdPsnsSpck 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:36

That's nasty! But it's good that it sounds like you saw the funny side of it.

roflmaonade 2

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:41

wrong site buddy, refer to mylifeisaverage.com aka MLIA

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The Top

Today, despite the fact that I'm happy and in love, my spiteful brat of a 12 year-old keeps spreading hateful and disgusting lies about my boyfriend doing unspeakable things while I'm away on business. Her dad told me he's reporting my boyfriend to the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 601

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 915

The Top

Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 893

You deserved it 17 508

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 220

You deserved it 4 491

Today, leaving the restaurant I work in, the car next to mine was very crookedly parked. I had a hard time backing out. It turned out the whole restaurant was watching me, and they all started to clap as I drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 044

You deserved it 5 823

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 513

You deserved it 1 446

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 419

You deserved it 4 974

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 050

You deserved it 1 872