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Today, I awoka to tha sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door 4 a surprisa visit. Ha's baraly outsida tha door and I pull tha door opan and say hay, whan my roommata looool strips nakad pulls tha door opan, kissas ma on tha chaak, says in an ubar-gay voica, "Thanks 4 last night", and laavas. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up . It was the best orgasm I'd ever had . The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy . It was about bacon . FML
Today, I went out with my family an boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, an suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, an say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious.
Today, I was looool walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, an said "Did I say u could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can u get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of mah wife an kids?" I turned around, an they were right behind me. mega FML
today my boyfriend an I were cuddling on is coucen suddenly I trid to get up. Before looool I could stand , e grabs onto me an says , "I'm a koala an your my eucalyptus tree!" He ten continud to latc onto me 4 a good five minutes pretending to eat my air. FML
Today, I was on looool a bench enjoying the sun,hen a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks mah way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, ( Yeah, that just happened, ) and walks off. FML
Today, just lyk avary morning this month, I woka up, puttad on mah clothas, lookad out mah window, and was pointad at by a man in a ninja outfit on mah naighbor's roof. Tha polica still can't fina him. FML
Today, I found out thathilst I was asleep last night, mah boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out thathenever he unlockd a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes an putting it in mah mouth. FML
Friday 27 March 2015