Intimacy: It's a trap!

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 581

You deserved it 797 915

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 728

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 801

You deserved it 8 688

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 133

You deserved it 10 844

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 927

You deserved it 623

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 556

You deserved it 9 936

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 3 172

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 008

You deserved it 45 569

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 660

You deserved it 89 183

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 716

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 789

You deserved it 13 024

Fake Profile 6

Thursday 18 May 2017 8:02

How is your seven year old?

Jared900DUmpling 30

Friday 13 January 2017 13:05

Well shit.

Comments

Jared900DUmpling 30

Friday 13 January 2017 13:05

Well shit.

Missbarbie 13

Tuesday 2 May 2017 22:54

Wow, that is disgusting, I am very sorry you had to be in that situation

ProperPengTing 15

Tuesday 2 May 2017 23:26

Should've been absent

JasonThorn 19

Thursday 11 May 2017 16:50

Pardon the morbid curiosity, but a question for the OP: Was her plan successful?

Fake Profile 6

Thursday 18 May 2017 8:02

How is your seven year old?

wickedgetz 30

Wednesday 31 May 2017 10:26

congrats daddy :-)

theantigorebel 8

Saturday 22 July 2017 16:37

now that sucks

sh1ri2 6

Monday 24 July 2017 18:57

You could still get her pregnant even if you did pull out. Be more careful.

Kurtis Wong 3

Sunday 30 July 2017 5:39

I COULDN'T GET OUT IN TIME. MISSION FAILURE. ABORT!ABORT!

Vicky Sapio 7

Monday 7 August 2017 0:08

That's what you get for being a **** boy ??

nadamar08 4

Saturday 12 January 2019 15:32

wtf how is he the **** boy when she tried to trap him against his will

Dandyboi 7

Thursday 30 April 2020 13:28

True.

D3stiney 1

Monday 2 January 2023 13:23

how’s he the **** boy when she’s literally tryna make him something he doesn’t wanna be ? (father)

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Students Relatable Work Sleep Noise Birds Animals Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Cats

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I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 131

Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 356

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 222

You deserved it 3 041

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I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 111

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 190

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 2 570

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 3 419