Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

#873540
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13676) - you deserved it (71399)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

#871042
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102649) - you deserved it (5071)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

#869679
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69314) - you deserved it (2458)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by daremetobecooler - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

#868262
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48160) - you deserved it (10397)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:49am - misc - by bkeiya (man) - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16159) - you deserved it (93827)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

#867922
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41158) - you deserved it (19337)

On 04/08/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by MarcusJones713 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

#866665
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16951) - you deserved it (66954)

On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

#865934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17098) - you deserved it (40611)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by jessica238 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

#865761
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7947) - you deserved it (98205)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

#864808
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7853) - you deserved it (56632)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

#853459
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53660) - you deserved it (6850)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got accepted to the North America Scholar Consortium as a Member of the Highest Honor, which I had applied for a few weeks ago. Happy to be able to add something good to my resume, I called my mom excitedly, and then Googled it to ascertain the level of prestige. Turns out it's a scam. FML

#852442
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37452) - you deserved it (21220)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by AlmostScdOtOf68Bucks (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: