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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

#3203047
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37599) - you deserved it (6528)

On 06/25/2009 at 11:37am - misc - by mickstinator - United States (Texas)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (7370)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

#3199012
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15565) - you deserved it (50394)

On 06/25/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by Noj12345 (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

#3198291
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10948) - you deserved it (54375)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:20am - misc - by YahItsMe94 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

#3196366
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (5649)

On 06/25/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13528) - you deserved it (65270)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

#3189875
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39347) - you deserved it (2326)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by unappreciated (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30420) - you deserved it (6542)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

#3180871
443 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77922) - you deserved it (11841)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47477) - you deserved it (14150)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

#3169112
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20843) - you deserved it (41982)

On 06/24/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by blind (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

#3165947
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26671) - you deserved it (60081)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by jerk (man) - United States (California)



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