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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

#3772243
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29590) - you deserved it (15090)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

#3770832
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33085) - you deserved it (4679)

On 07/15/2009 at 10:29am - misc - by FML (woman) - Syrian Arab Republic (Dimashq)

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

#3769867
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (8181)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by GrippedMyBalls - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

#3768794
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51641) - you deserved it (2732)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

#3767718
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41714) - you deserved it (5569)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

#3763600
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13227) - you deserved it (61046)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

#3762985
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36988) - you deserved it (6101)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by blotchy-girl (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

#3757766
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13721) - you deserved it (32846)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by dani911 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

#3756487
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53088) - you deserved it (2152)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

#3750994
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48128) - you deserved it (8269)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by hungryman (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

#3746710
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40660) - you deserved it (4946)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

#3741978
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56231) - you deserved it (4428)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by dinapar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

#3741117
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71133) - you deserved it (14592)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:23am - misc - by paddy (woman) - United Kingdom



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