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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

#7211285
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23379) - you deserved it (5792)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by iamshrimpy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

#7210467
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9549) - you deserved it (29593)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30423) - you deserved it (3865)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

#7203550
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35330) - you deserved it (1997)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Darkness162000 - France

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

#7201019
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6389) - you deserved it (43044)

On 01/07/2010 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

#7199308
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25787) - you deserved it (9882)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

#7198019
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36349) - you deserved it (2845)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:50am - misc - by TJ (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

#7197887
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8934) - you deserved it (33240)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:36am - misc - by Boob (woman) - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

#7196833
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27381) - you deserved it (2573)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9543) - you deserved it (28468)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

#7193872
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40894) - you deserved it (2778)

On 01/07/2010 at 2:13am - misc - by nothotforteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

#7188892
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7566) - you deserved it (28000)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:58pm - misc - by mindlost (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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