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Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

#3687656
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44042) - you deserved it (20904)

On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

#3681889
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47807) - you deserved it (4674)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by yesnomaybeso7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49447) - you deserved it (2136)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

#3676962
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46240) - you deserved it (20570)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

#3669830
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55590) - you deserved it (4444)

On 07/11/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by wow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

#3669559
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32024) - you deserved it (9499)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by bdiddy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received 7 notifications on facebook. Girls in my grade were commenting on my photo because they knew the location of it. They then started to have a conversation and they planned a whole social event. On my photo. I wasn't invited. FML

#3669068
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44876) - you deserved it (3775)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by laurraaa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML

#3666100
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48702) - you deserved it (7559)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

#3663410
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46415) - you deserved it (3466)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by charma (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

#3660807
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49582) - you deserved it (2255)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by ttsutaoka (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

#3658638
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39359) - you deserved it (8839)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by RR (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

#3657185
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36081) - you deserved it (2818)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by mellbelle32 (woman) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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