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Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

#4371069
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40423) - you deserved it (6321)

On 08/07/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by scarredforlife (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

#4370126
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53350) - you deserved it (16131)

On 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Momlovesme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

#4368729
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51909) - you deserved it (3729)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

#4366169
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31766) - you deserved it (13733)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by helplesssssss (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8lbs through the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms. "well it looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML

#4364677
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37021) - you deserved it (7447)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by fatpreggo - United States (Missouri)

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

#4363957
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30151) - you deserved it (21558)

On 08/07/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by terpity12 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

#4362342
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45328) - you deserved it (2508)

On 08/07/2009 at 2:29pm - misc - by LT (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

#4359273
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39948) - you deserved it (3295)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:31am - misc - by Crazyyyymomentsss (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

#4356276
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42146) - you deserved it (3353)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by Jessika (woman) - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23227) - you deserved it (59266)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

#4348564
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5049) - you deserved it (63130)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by fazzems (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47277) - you deserved it (8151)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

#4344538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39990) - you deserved it (7947)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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