Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

by just die already / 04/24/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

by HomeAlone / 04/24/2016 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

by Roomie pay rent plz / 04/23/2016 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

by she won't see a therapist / 04/23/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a 27-year-old back-to-school university student. Everyone hates me because I'm actually interested in participating in my classes and getting good grades, instead of partying, cheating in exams, and generally not giving a crap. Apparently I make them look bad. FML

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

by _aPerson_ / 04/22/2016 at 11:58am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my blind date started with, "I am required by law to tell you this: I am a registered sex offender." FML

by w0w / 04/22/2016 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

by UnluckyLatina / 04/21/2016 at 11:30pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drug dealer was the only one who wished me a happy birthday. FML

by boipucci / 04/21/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

by 404 justice not found / 04/21/2016 at 3:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

by Mcwifi / 04/21/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 10:34am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous