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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

#21379420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29190) - you deserved it (3518)

On 03/22/2015 at 10:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

#21379352
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (2439)

On 03/22/2015 at 5:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

#21379134
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63) - you deserved it (2355)

On 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm - misc - by tobuscus9412 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

#21379106
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67) - you deserved it (2879)

On 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm - misc - by van no gough (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

#21379064
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57) - you deserved it (2273)

On 03/21/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Nexpecto (man) - United States

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

#21378919
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26897) - you deserved it (2230)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by poop - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28226) - you deserved it (3403)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (2053)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25518) - you deserved it (3093)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

#21378047
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (4593)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm - misc - by shawnsmuffins - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

#21378005
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30098) - you deserved it (2036)

On 03/19/2015 at 8:54pm - misc - by Hm (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

#21377727
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26915) - you deserved it (2478)

On 03/19/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

#21377510
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35) - you deserved it (44579)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by copycat - United States (California)



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