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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

#21308358
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29081) - you deserved it (2646)

On 11/29/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by justawallflower - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

#21308349
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28849) - you deserved it (2487)

On 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38077) - you deserved it (2500)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, and for the past few days, there is a musical box stuck somewhere in my attic that randomly plays Christmas songs. FML

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

#21307548
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32433) - you deserved it (3748)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

#21307507
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32207) - you deserved it (3997)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

#21307421
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/28/2014 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

#21307360
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34252) - you deserved it (2674)

On 11/28/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by stampslife - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28336) - you deserved it (2770)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33847) - you deserved it (3194)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30623) - you deserved it (2425)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

#21306486
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26808) - you deserved it (6652)

On 11/26/2014 at 10:33pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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