Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

by Xerfox / 07/03/2016 at 2:05pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

by jaqlove / 07/02/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

by SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda / 07/01/2016 at 10:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 10:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

by shouldhavestayedinbed / 07/01/2016 at 6:45am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sleeping in a hotel with my grandparents for 2 days. They both talked in their sleep and snored for almost 3 hours straight, so I moved into the bathtub in the tiny bathroom to try to get some sleep. Just as I was falling asleep, the showerhead started to leak. Back to square one. FML

by tenhut / 07/01/2016 at 12:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

by bamrd / 06/30/2016 at 9:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents lectured me for wanting to wear sneakers to a wedding. The wedding is on a farm. FML

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

by anon / 06/30/2016 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2016 at 10:14am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

by Butqhy / 06/30/2016 at 7:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, due to summer Ramadan, we have 16 hour long fasts. Normally this is okay, except today I managed to sleep through both suhoor and iftaar. I haven't eaten for 36 hours. FML