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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29102) - you deserved it (8595)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

#21329401
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30454) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/02/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by tokinallday - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

#21329304
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (2169)

On 01/02/2015 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

#21329068
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28391) - you deserved it (4081)

On 01/02/2015 at 12:36am - misc - by jitterbug (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

#21328982
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24626) - you deserved it (11231)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by 30000 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (6674)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

#21328432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26193) - you deserved it (4087)

On 01/01/2015 at 3:52am - misc - by sandwhiched - United States (California)

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

#21328260
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27474) - you deserved it (5893)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:25am - misc - by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

#21328036
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28530) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia (New South Wales)

 Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

#21327895
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26888) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

#21327640
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29989) - you deserved it (4210)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:08am - misc - by driverboy - United States

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28805) - you deserved it (2598)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my aunt and uncle came into the restaurant I work at to give me a late Christmas gift. The gift was the $20 tip they left, which got divided amongst all the staff. FML



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