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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

#464329
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22633) - you deserved it (51163)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:47am - love - by Fish (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

#458180
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81383) - you deserved it (4387)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:42am - love - by Fwick (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100168) - you deserved it (24795)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

#410087
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60977) - you deserved it (22233)

On 03/17/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

#407714
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81992) - you deserved it (6777)

On 03/17/2009 at 3:25am - love - by isaacBENNETT (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
536 comments

I agree, your life sucks (506520) - you deserved it (35109)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14886) - you deserved it (108310)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

#333270
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46997) - you deserved it (22425)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:20am - love - by Raw95 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

#328244
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67410) - you deserved it (8837)

On 03/14/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by evanescence (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

#322339
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104731) - you deserved it (5532)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by that1guy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

#320737
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69550) - you deserved it (16351)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18316) - you deserved it (190329)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17644) - you deserved it (109704)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)



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