Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jorvid 0
First of all unicorns is real, and you should be grateful that the unicorn even thought you were worthy of a compliment, you ****!
24788 6
What's wrong with having imaginary friends that you talk to?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (421)
24788 6
What's wrong with having imaginary friends that you talk to?
its_kylie_bish 1
ikr i talk to my pet flying ninjasaurus all the fcking time...he's invisible...O.o
Lolerskatez 0
You're from Pennsylvania that explains enough doesn't it? I thought that's where unicorns come from?..
MusicLover951320 0
exactly! my winged platypus RARELY gives out compliments to people. he's a bit uptight(:
tellithowitis 13
just take the compliment.
iMuffinKat 16
Well...everyone has their own way of flirting. My pet griffin Billy Bob Joe happens to be my wingman. Don't judge.
scateice 0
Unicorns are real :O I thought everyone knew that!!! (1)
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
That is soooo like what Frank Iero would say! Sorry, MCR obsession here! But it's totally true XD
Kristinky 0
I appreciate you MCR reference! :D
smiley_chik17 0
stuck in a 3 yr olds body
chelzy 0
don't u mean a three year olds mind?
yaneliee 0
Damn youre a pretty stuck up bitch that has no imagination whatsoever
sbarre1 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI
jorvid 0
First of all unicorns is real, and you should be grateful that the unicorn even thought you were worthy of a compliment, you ****!
fuzion50 6
lol agreed
mathewneill 0
actually just created an account so i could say that this comment is ******* awesome!!
DiamondGirlj 18
Basically, my friend murdered my unicorn. RIP BRUTUS xD
WhatAMishap 0
How can this have not come up on like, your first date? Isn't it an important thing to discover, whether your boyfriend is mad or not?
ilovefatcats 12
Mybe it's his peins?
somethingawesome 9
Uhhhh.....
mgfootball 0
it is you who is the freak for not knowing unicorns are real
supafuz 0
You should be so excited. My Unicorn says most are really tough critics. I cant believe one thinks your cute. IM SO JEALOUS
HamsteronA 0
I know, that's EXACTLY what mine says!
fuzion50 6
My unicorn HATES everyone except my girlfreind
chococat251 9
Mine feels the same way
frootloop25 0
You act as if unicorns aren't real... You have my idealistic boyfriend, btw.
awkwardturtley 0
omg seriously I'd be simply ecstatic to meet a real unicorn! Especially be complicated by one!! I'm so jealous :O
Draiath 0
I think you mean "complemented"
My2864 1
lmao fail
PlayboyPikachu 0
He was probably tripping balls, ask him if he wants to have an acid date.