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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

#12989156
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33568) - you deserved it (3925)

On 09/10/2010 at 10:56am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48411) - you deserved it (7518)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (5324)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

#12935900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25291) - you deserved it (14348)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by BrokebyKids - United States (New York)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18371) - you deserved it (3912)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

#12879183
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28972) - you deserved it (4368)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:35am - kids - by Devon - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

#12858268
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (2980)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

#12843819
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20330) - you deserved it (6858)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:35pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

#12838070
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23538) - you deserved it (8727)

On 08/31/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31878) - you deserved it (7726)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

#12760646
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11198) - you deserved it (35704)

On 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7742) - you deserved it (66362)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

#12693106
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8203) - you deserved it (27455)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:03am - kids - by laughxlove - United States (New Jersey)



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