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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37552) - you deserved it (10282)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40363) - you deserved it (7940)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39322) - you deserved it (4364)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25359) - you deserved it (43003)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49817) - you deserved it (4748)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

#21114019
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34122) - you deserved it (5169)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:20pm - kids - by Someone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45890) - you deserved it (5950)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, I had to convince my 3-year-old son that there were monsters in the house just so he would lie in bed and cuddle me. FML

#21112742
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33876) - you deserved it (24733)

On 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by tinytiny1124 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

#21111233
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41316) - you deserved it (4221)

On 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm - kids - by BeatByA9yrold (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

#21110568
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47155) - you deserved it (5365)

On 04/11/2014 at 7:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46717) - you deserved it (2943)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

#21107739
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47853) - you deserved it (3586)

On 04/08/2014 at 4:13pm - kids - by vreenya (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)



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