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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

#21170087
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49343) - you deserved it (8224)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46207) - you deserved it (14823)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

#21164644
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43368) - you deserved it (8113)

On 06/06/2014 at 2:24am - kids - by playdated - United States (California)

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

#21164043
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52839) - you deserved it (3844)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm - kids - by bastards (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (9110)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46654) - you deserved it (4825)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50955) - you deserved it (7141)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm babysitting two 6 year old kids. One of them won't stop screaming, and the other kid found his mom's vibrator and won't stop playing spaceship with it. The parents will be home in an hour. FML

#21157917
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40538) - you deserved it (4919)

On 05/31/2014 at 2:40am - kids - by moomanjohnny - United States (California)

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

#21157338
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40790) - you deserved it (6182)

On 05/30/2014 at 5:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41436) - you deserved it (9636)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

#21155774
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44947) - you deserved it (5542)

On 05/29/2014 at 11:18am - kids - by bananna - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46423) - you deserved it (27788)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML



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