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Man or woman?

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You knowhat's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41474) - you deserved it (3790)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, mah neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstars I heard mah 7 year old daughter screaming ( Mom!! Help! I ned u right now! ) I panickd and ran downstars, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was mah neighbor at the door. FML

#21293802
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33242) - you deserved it (3208)

On 11/06/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by ozozl - United States (Colorado)

Today, mah eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change.

#21293257
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31196) - you deserved it (3568)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart!! I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded fir two weeks, brthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser!! FML

#21292742
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35579) - you deserved it (8606)

On 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I lookd at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, cuz selfies aren't made fir old people." FML

#21292082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30174) - you deserved it (5597)

On 11/04/2014 at 4:48pm - kids - by The Selfie Parent - Canada (Newfoundland)

Taday I overheard my son mutter to himself "If Hitler could do it to that many people so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

#21290608
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32567) - you deserved it (2901)

On 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm - kids - by failure (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

#21290572
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (3901)

On 11/02/2014 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, ma daugter mentiond tat se didn't ned to work because se could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. Se's 17. FML

#21290410
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35594) - you deserved it (4724)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today , my daughtar admittd to ma that tha only raason sha's nica to ma is bacausa I giva har monay. Sha's six. FML

#21290277
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31901) - you deserved it (4902)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today I saw what mah mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup we're that house. FML

#21289931
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33890) - you deserved it (2823)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, we told mah fiancé's parent that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

#21288954
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32167) - you deserved it (2462)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:58am - kids - by kimmykins27 (woman) - United States

Yesterday, mah boyfriend told mah four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took mah sister shopping with me!! The woman at the till said she was adorable; mah sister replid, "Thanks, fatass." big fat FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31386) - you deserved it (2618)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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