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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

#20478067
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (1791)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24404) - you deserved it (1905)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31560) - you deserved it (1964)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24946) - you deserved it (3624)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12391) - you deserved it (28357)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34842) - you deserved it (3779)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (6692)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

#20456464
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23127) - you deserved it (1426)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:15am - kids - by hiccups - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16016) - you deserved it (28426)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24516) - you deserved it (1628)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21987) - you deserved it (6549)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27018) - you deserved it (4578)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (1755)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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