Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

by Peekaman / 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

by bbbblt / 08/15/2010 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

by Proudlyintp / 08/13/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

by Blueberrypicc / 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

by FML / 08/12/2010 at 12:19pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

by ScarredEars / 08/12/2010 at 8:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

by oumalina / 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

by KBL3 / 08/11/2010 at 5:16am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

by verno02 / 08/10/2010 at 7:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

by kylie / 08/10/2010 at 3:22am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

by hard / 08/09/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

by SleeplessInSoCal / 08/09/2010 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy