Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

#6114128
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35232) - you deserved it (2229)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:12am - health - by UnluckyJulie (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

#6086009
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43780) - you deserved it (6106)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

#6082159
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6095) - you deserved it (45869)

On 10/31/2009 at 10:30am - health - by alcoholic (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

#6068182
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31925) - you deserved it (2553)

On 10/30/2009 at 8:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

#6049425
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10925) - you deserved it (27702)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7211) - you deserved it (108292)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33447) - you deserved it (7133)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

#6024330
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (7294)

On 10/27/2009 at 2:46pm - health - by opposableouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

#6020793
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34237) - you deserved it (2509)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

#6005928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27910) - you deserved it (2225)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm - health - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

#5958040
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (3482)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:12pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

#5947119
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12090) - you deserved it (26354)

On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

#5932326
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23244) - you deserved it (4863)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: