Intimacy: Quickie - FML

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 3 242

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 790

You deserved it 6 570

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 795

You deserved it 4 723

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 509

You deserved it 6 685

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 16:09 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 3 456

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 5 958

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 659

You deserved it 4 287

By hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 360

You deserved it 3 117

By user210 - 26/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 077

You deserved it 4 081

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 182

Communication breakdown

By Jen - 20/03/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 7 297

Next

Top comments

Anonymous874598 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:31

Have you tried sucking his dick before sex ?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:35

What is he like 90?

Comments

Shyman4ever 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

justmeagirl 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:53

sounds like a medical problem, or a psychological/psychiatric one. Or he's on antidepressants.

Anonymous874598 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:31

Have you tried sucking his dick before sex ?

picturescrazy 24

Thursday 14 January 2010 21:31

In this case, you better hope it takes him a godawful long time getting it up ;D **** both your lives, though ): Hopefully he's not a young guy with ED. That'd suck to go downhill early.

skeemo 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:36

ummmm... tried sex for dummies?

d119 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:40

um **** might help.

GiddyXD 0

Monday 15 March 2010 7:41

LMFAO dude! but. true dat.

11wanda11 6

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:42

ohh man that sucks, you need a new boyfriend!

ChanceBell 13

Thursday 12 March 2015 15:21

OP does not need a new boyfriend just because of that reason. No one likes those shallow people who dumps others because of reasons like that.

nickbenz 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

letschat6 5

Thursday 14 October 2010 2:49

LOL!!! 

whitetiger13131 26

Thursday 8 May 2014 2:23

douchebag!

mcfaily 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 10:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

lokar_ogar 11

Monday 23 March 2015 17:36

#8 thats terrible.

pariah_scene 3

Sunday 14 June 2015 17:26

Please do us all a favor 8 and come back from 1950 and into modern times >.>

happypapp12 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:17

First woop woop!!!!

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:35

What is he like 90?

shopaholic03xx 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:48

aww:/ try dressing up in something naughty. you have to keep the sex spark lit

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The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 229

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 70

The Top

Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 598

You deserved it 7 352

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 990

You deserved it 4 716

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 406

You deserved it 5 701

Today, I was working at the hospital receptionist desk. A visitor came in, but only knew the patient’s nickname “Peaches” When I explained to her we don’t address patients by nicknames, she demanded to see my supervisor. She ended up spitting in her face and had to be escorted out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 66

Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 233

You deserved it 2 723

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 772

You deserved it 7 880