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Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1413) - you deserved it (118)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

#21114882
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6267) - you deserved it (572)

On 04/16/2014 at 8:00pm - love - by kittykat798 (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7000) - you deserved it (522)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19791) - you deserved it (1550)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23650) - you deserved it (6613)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

jazzy_123's comment : that's pretty awesome! what show is it? x)

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Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23668) - you deserved it (3948)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

#21114115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25313) - you deserved it (2968)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:18pm - love - by Foreveralone17362562 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

#21114019
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (3221)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:20pm - kids - by Someone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

tacojauns's comment : That's when you drag her in so the other members of your family days aren't ruined...

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Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24727) - you deserved it (6903)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

#21113897
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27168) - you deserved it (2584)

On 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm - love - by gerontofuck (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30754) - you deserved it (3783)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

alex_the_tiger's comment : Your dad is awesome

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Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32341) - you deserved it (4331)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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