Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

olivejuice's comment : Isn't it a little inappropriate to ask what turns on your 4 year old?

See all the comments →

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17131) - you deserved it (96720)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

#480459
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64294) - you deserved it (8802)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

#474818
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69399) - you deserved it (4028)

On 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm - misc - by shelteredchild (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128495) - you deserved it (13084)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

alex_vik's comment : LOL, that's a first. I wonder what it said.. 1. Finger her. 2. Put on condom 3. Insert penis 4. ???? 5. Profit!

See all the comments →

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

#470055
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33557) - you deserved it (88129)

On 03/19/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by LindseyS (woman) - United States (Georgia)

alex_vik's comment : I remember approving this one just to say this. NEVER try to be sexy when you're on your period. It just makes the guys want to throw up and the girls laugh.

See all the comments →

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

#469671
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (54276)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

#467270
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20532) - you deserved it (64503)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

#465051
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71195) - you deserved it (7348)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ineverknew (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

#464994
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (43045)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

#464379
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82717) - you deserved it (4256)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

#464329
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22703) - you deserved it (51232)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:47am - love - by Fish (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139637) - you deserved it (8598)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: