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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Superadie's comment : Whoa, that 's a friend! Remember to seduce his girlfriend/ Get his mom pregnant/ turn his sister fat by feeding her only sweets/ train his dog to pee on his bed/ and make him lose his job.. But no hards feelings, huh?

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Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11659) - you deserved it (102697)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11824) - you deserved it (59700)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68027) - you deserved it (15958)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88439) - you deserved it (4954)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

#1050396
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62921) - you deserved it (6921)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

#1050390
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41722) - you deserved it (6663)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69346) - you deserved it (11805)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

#1047922
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16429) - you deserved it (73080)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7868) - you deserved it (76867)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91088) - you deserved it (7415)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58340) - you deserved it (3163)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58687) - you deserved it (2360)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)



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