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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

#4900941
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (3448)

On 08/29/2009 at 4:48am - kids - by littlemisstiny (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML

#4899875
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46170) - you deserved it (2796)

On 08/29/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by kkiv (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

#4897987
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38251) - you deserved it (2756)

On 08/29/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by chinesef000d (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

#4896361
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42278) - you deserved it (9323)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:27am - love - by notenough (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

#4895922
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32745) - you deserved it (7637)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

#4895245
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42823) - you deserved it (7571)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by MelanieP (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

#4892263
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33865) - you deserved it (4335)

On 08/28/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

#4891405
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50326) - you deserved it (3330)

On 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

#4889725
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you deserved it (11982)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chasingcars0624 - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

#4886431
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37014) - you deserved it (2191)

On 08/28/2009 at 4:59pm - health - by dannyfanny (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

#4883657
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47290) - you deserved it (6328)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63030) - you deserved it (16011)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

allmidnighteyes's comment : hahahahahahahaha Your boyfriend is fucking awesome.

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