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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

#7300366
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9656) - you deserved it (29786)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

#7299222
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28415) - you deserved it (2037)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

#7298942
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27908) - you deserved it (2084)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:23pm - misc - by MattVh (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

#7297825
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22222) - you deserved it (4966)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:27am - kids - by Dr_Dolittle (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

#7297645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26768) - you deserved it (3004)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:08am - work - by Colormered - France

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

#7296814
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34636) - you deserved it (2386)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:10am - kids - by mickey1928 -

RobotSox's comment : You should of replied "Look, its those wrinkled prunes that go around insulting newborn babies". That'll teach them ;DD

See all the comments →

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

#7296803
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (2846)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Upbrakie - United States

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11073) - you deserved it (38233)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

#7295020
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8946) - you deserved it (20493)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

#7294693
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (1856)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:18am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He says "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

#7294242
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30974) - you deserved it (3865)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:46am - kids - by mandiballz - United States (California)

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

#7293990
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27117) - you deserved it (8419)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)



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