Mr London, England 50 years-old
Today, I was in the supermarket when I saw a little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I went over to him and asked if his mom knew where he was. The boy turned around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook, as she didn't like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML
Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML
Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML
Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML
Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
