1known

ManChildBF · 4 March 2022, 02:00 ·Loveland, United States

Sounds like a keeper

Today, my boyfriend came home and demanded dinner. I started suggesting things, but he threw out that we should just fend for ourselves. I made pasta and offered him some, but he decided to throw a fit and go to bed at 6:30pm without dinner. He then woke up at 9 to complain he was hungry, then slept on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243 You deserved it 158

6 comments Share

GuardOtto · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Baywatch

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 825 You deserved it 4 916

141 comments Share

connasse · 4 March 2022, 07:30

De quoi j'me mêle ?

Aujourd'hui, ma belle-mère, qui idéalise son fils jusqu'au déni de réalité, m'a accusée d'être à l'origine des problèmes que celui-ci a avec une collègue de travail. On parle de quelqu'un que je n'ai JAMAIS VU. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 625 You deserved it 293

6 comments Share

whoevenncares · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States

Keep hydrated

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 335 You deserved it 3 043

44 comments Share

Anna · 3 March 2022, 03:59

Today, on Asshat Customers…

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316 You deserved it 124

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 3 March 2022, 07:59 🌶️ Spicy

Engrossed

Today, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I used to have a sex life, and even talked to each other before Elden Ring was released, but I can't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990 You deserved it 329

6 comments Share

choldcreations · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hungry eyes

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 479 You deserved it 42 080

213 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 March 2022, 12:00 ·Middlesbrough, United Kingdom

Rude awakening

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248 You deserved it 2 092

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 March 2022, 18:00

Dexter? Is that you?

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175 You deserved it 298

9 comments Share

Anonyme · 3 March 2022, 09:30 🌶️ Spicy

Manitas de la bitas

Aujourd'hui, notre employeur nous a demandé de s'abonner a son compte TikTok "professionnel." Visiblement, il y une semaine de ça, il a posté un TikTok où il joue de la guitare avec sa bite. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 639 You deserved it 489

7 comments Share

Anonyme · 3 March 2022, 12:00 ·Lisieux, France

L'âge ingrat arrive de plus en plus tôt

Aujourd'hui, j'emmène mon fils de 4 ans voir un spectacle de marionnettes, pour un tarif assez élevé. Au bout de 10 minutes : "Maman je te l'avais dit, t'as payé pour rien, c'est trop nul, et ça ne m'intéresse pas." VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 031 You deserved it 892

5 comments Share

RobindesBois · 3 March 2022, 13:59

C'est encore sale

Aujourd'hui, je me lave les mains après être allé aux toilettes sur une aire de repos. Ensuite, je les plonge dans la fente du sèche-mains, avant de me rendre que c'était une poubelle. Le vrai sèche-mains est juste à coté, en hauteur. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 2 650 You deserved it 767

4 comments Share

ReavenEss · 3 March 2022, 18:01

Logique

Aujourd’hui, ma responsable m’a annoncé qu’elle ne renouvellerait pas mon CDD comme convenu, car une de mes collègues hésite à rester dans l’entreprise. Quoi ? Vous cherchez une logique ? Moi aussi. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 206 You deserved it 293

5 comments Share

stinker · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Got em

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I reassured her that I would not throw a party. She replied, "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 093 You deserved it 4 483

34 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 March 2022, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Trust

Today, I'm so confused. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, yet a bunch of symptoms and five pregnancy tests all say I’m pregnant. I’ve never cheated on him, but if a baby suddenly appears, there’s no way he won’t think I’m a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761 You deserved it 219

10 comments Share

screw my grades then right?! · 2 March 2022, 16:00

That stupid saying should die

Today, I was doing homework in the living room when my mom came in and started blasting music and cleaning. When I asked if she could turn it off so I could study, she bitched at me about "My house, my rules." She also has a rule that we can’t do homework in our rooms because of too many distractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259 You deserved it 129

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 March 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Rookie mistake

Today, I had to pay an exorbitant fee to get my drain unblocked. It turns out it was about a million condoms. My son just got his first serious girlfriend and apparently instead of throwing them in the bin, he flushes their used condoms down the toilet. I’m gonna kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659 You deserved it 251

12 comments Share

Mike · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Late bloomer

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 151 You deserved it 3 091

87 comments Share

Anonymous · 2 March 2022, 22:00

Stop using this as an excuse

Today, I had to tell my ex-husband I’m a lesbian. I’m not, he just keeps trying to win me back, but it worked, he now thinks there’s no chance for us. Unfortunately, he mentioned it to my mom, who “always suspected” and is now obsessively trying to set me up with every lesbian she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730 You deserved it 1 679

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 3 March 2022, 00:01

Bridezilla strikes again

Today, as a wedding photographer, I had to explain to the worst bridezilla I’ve ever worked for, that on the day of her wedding she had scared my assistant so much that she forgot to put a new memory card in the camera, so no photos of the wedding had actually been taken. I’m now missing a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840 You deserved it 578

10 comments Share

Anonyme · 2 March 2022, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Mannequin chez Hénaff

Aujourd'hui, je me suis acheté une nouvelle lingerie. Je l'essaye devant mon copain et je défile devant lui. Sa réaction ne se fait pas attendre : "La lingerie serait sympa si il n'y avait pas autant de graisse qui débordait…" VDM

I agree, your life sucks 5 433 You deserved it 1 090

11 comments Share

Pauvre de moi · 2 March 2022, 20:00

Les spécialistes en tout

Aujourd'hui, ma belle-famille complotiste n’aborde plus le sujet du COVID et du pass, non, maintenant ils "comprennent Poutine" disant qu’il "ne fait que se défendre." VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 215 You deserved it 61 091

11 comments Share

lulu9 · 2 March 2022, 09:30

Les gestes barrières

Aujourd’hui, j’ai subi une vision d’horreur : mon fils de 4 ans a léché la vitrine chez le fromager sur presque toute sa longueur. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 067 You deserved it 593

11 comments Share

Anonyme · 2 March 2022, 12:00

Gonflé

Aujourd'hui, mon ex, avec qui je suis restée deux ans et qui m'a trompée pendant toute notre relation, et que j'ai quitté à cause de ses infidélités, m'a annoncé qu'il me pardonnait mon manque de compréhension et d'empathie. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 157 You deserved it 362

13 comments Share

Stéphanie · 2 March 2022, 14:00 ·Montréal, Canada

De la suite dans les idées

Aujourd'hui, je joue avec mon garçon de quatre ans. Nous sommes des dinosaures, et je tombe au sol et fais la morte. Il crie : "Papa ! Maman est morte !" Son papa répond : "Oh non, qu'est-ce qu'on va faire ?" Mon fils : "Nous allons la découper en petits morceaux." J'ai engendré un psychopathe. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 532 You deserved it 511

4 comments Share

myriam · 2 March 2022, 16:00 ·France

Refus catégorique

Aujourd'hui, j'ai proposé mes services gratuits comme stagiaire à une association. Réponse : "On a pas le budget, donc non." VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 367 You deserved it 270

6 comments Share

whatjusthappened · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Norman, United States

Master manipulator

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 512 You deserved it 16 421

76 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 February 2022, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Playa

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571 You deserved it 293

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 February 2022, 12:00

Colloquialism

Today, I learned that when an Australian guy starts working in your office and says, “Nice thongs”, he isn’t talking about your underwear, he means the bright sunflower sandals on your feet. I may have overreacted at what I thought was blatant sexual harassment, and am now on unpaid suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346 You deserved it 1 781

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 February 2022, 14:00

The rest of us get it

Today, my husband refused to let my mother move in with us. He said he’d rather buy her another house than let her move in, then he actually threatened divorce before he’d let her move in. He’s never been this stubborn before about anything. I don’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282 You deserved it 2 297

9 comments Share