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Anonymous · 25 March 2023, 18:00 ·Mcallen, United States

People don't want to work, huh?

Today, I realized i'm practically incapable of actually getting a job. I'm 19 years-old, with no workforce experience, I frequently apply to jobs and regularly follow up with them on a consistent basis, yet they still ghost or reject me outright. These are minimum wage, starter-level jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912 You deserved it 138

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_akwardsituation · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Right under my nose

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is actually coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 476 You deserved it 33 732

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Anonymous · 25 March 2023, 22:00 ·Australia

Let it all out

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 26 March 2023, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bad student at the school of life

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440 You deserved it 248

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Anonymous · 26 March 2023, 03:00 ·United States

My guts hate my guts

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and a few coworkers when my stomach started growling. It was nearly lunchtime and I guess I was hungry. I tried to play it off like it was just a passing rumble, but it wouldn't stop. Eventually, my boss asked if I needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775 You deserved it 128

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unemployedagain · 26 March 2023, 04:00 ·Arlington, United States

So brave

Today, I was offered the job of my dreams until the recruiters had gone through my Twitter account and had seen tweets of me calling another girl a “bitch” and a racial slur during an argument. They rescinded the offer and I’d already quit my last job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191 You deserved it 2 333

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misc · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Multitasking

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 771 You deserved it 3 563

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Anonymous · 26 March 2023, 10:00 ·Caracas, Venezuela 🌶️ Spicy

You what?

Today, I went to park with a guy I've been infatuated for a long time. We got into his car and found a lovely lonely spot. Then he started talking about kinks, and I noticed that he had a gorilla suit in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061 You deserved it 237

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Anonymous · 26 March 2023, 12:00 ·Germany

Bad doggo

Today, I'm dog-sitting. To give the pooches some exercise, I took them on a long walk through the fields, where they run, play, and sniff around to their hearts’ content. Thirty seconds after coming back home, one of them made a ginormous puddle right on my living room floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734 You deserved it 131

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Anonymous · 26 March 2023, 14:00 ·Wakefield, United Kingdom

No third base for you

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 281

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F your brackets · 26 March 2023, 18:00 ·Miami, United States

Gamba

Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733 You deserved it 377

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 02:00 ·Bournemouth, United Kingdom

Great parenting

Today, both my mom and dad agreed I basically ruined their life by existing. They weren’t even trying to be mean, they just casually mentioned that their lives were brilliant before me, then after I was born everything turned to shit and they’ve been miserable ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149 You deserved it 135

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 12:00

I don't know what I'm doing

Today, I was supposed to have an important work video call with several members of management. However, when I logged onto the call, I realized that I had a cat filter on my feed and couldn't figure out how to turn it off. The lead manager was not amused and said I was having a "Boomer moment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 669

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 14:00 ·Portland, United States

Nature calls

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 159

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lukey101 · 27 March 2023, 16:00

Bad boy

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668 You deserved it 190

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 18:00

Time is money

Today, I had a job interview that I had spent hours preparing for it. When I arrived, the interviewer told me the position had been filled already and they forgot to notify me. I wasted a whole fucking day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941 You deserved it 87

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Rjlup · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Denver, United States

Big boy

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 183 You deserved it 7 319

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 22:00 ·United States

Great start

Today, I was rushing to get to work on time and grabbed what I thought was my coffee mug. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized I had grabbed my husband's urinalysis cup. Not quite the morning boost I was expecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608 You deserved it 271

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Transgirl is Tired · 28 March 2023, 02:00

Unlawful

Today, it's been three weeks since I’ve seen my kids. My ex just decided that I was a safety concern after we had 50/50 for almost two years. Now I just gotta wait until I can see a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872 You deserved it 213

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Anonymous · 28 March 2023, 04:00 ·Canada

Metal AF

Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258 You deserved it 768

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Anonymous · 28 March 2023, 06:00

Quel abruti

Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 You deserved it 1 264

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Blindsider · 28 March 2023, 12:00

Sounds like a lovely guy

Today, I had my second miscarriage. My husband responded by throwing a bitch fit because I "totally blindsided him with this miscarriage shit” knowing he wanted kids, and if he'd known he wouldn’t have married me in the first place. He threw his wedding band in the trash and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 28 March 2023, 16:00 ·United States

How can I stay mad at you?

Today, I came home to find that my dog had chewed up my brand new, expensive pair of shoes. I was so angry that I yelled at him and he cowered in fear. But then, as I looked at his sad little face, it dawned on me that I was the one in the wrong for getting so upset over something materialistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 You deserved it 1 001

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Mantua, United States

Good boy

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up, I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 422 You deserved it 13 409

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Anonymous · 29 March 2023, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Mommy issues

Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Coraopolis, United States

Creeped out

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 880 You deserved it 7 877

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Anonymous · 29 March 2023, 14:00

Don't hate the player…

Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112 You deserved it 288

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Not your maid · 29 March 2023, 16:00

Are you kidding me right now?

Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188 You deserved it 145

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achoo-plop · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Colorado Springs, United States

Let it all out

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197 You deserved it 2 118

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Anonymous · 30 March 2023, 02:00

Fence unmended

Today, I spent the morning with my estranged mom to try and mend some fences. In two hours she managed to insult me 56 times on subjects such as my career, outfit, husband, children, hairstyle, and so on. Plus she “forgot her purse” so I had to spend £80 for the privilege of being insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888 You deserved it 179

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