Miss 34 years-old Single
Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said, "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML
Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML
Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML
Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML
Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
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