Jack_Ryan

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Jack_ryan's favorite FMLs

Don't stop

By Anonymous - 02/07/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 010

You deserved it 8 652

By daRN - 02/07/2009 19:34 - Bahrain

Today, my sister just had a huge fight with my mom. After that, she thought it was appropriate to smash my $1,000 guitar to "blow off some steam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 154

You deserved it 3 093

Brain worms

By slightlyslow - 02/07/2009 20:33 - United States

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year-old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 607

You deserved it 52 909

By Uriah - 03/07/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 209

You deserved it 109 701

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 429

You deserved it 25 984

Fore!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends when I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was, "Look out!" I now have twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 467

You deserved it 8 947

By WhitneyHouston - 06/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 709

You deserved it 15 343

Cool moves

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 027

You deserved it 82 877

By Jon - 07/07/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 69 961

Cool your boots

By AmberKCole - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 615

You deserved it 101 460

Method acting

By lol123 - 10/07/2009 10:09 - Norway

Today, it was the premiere of a huge play I've worked on for months. The latest week we've practised a lot, resulting in little sleep. In one of the scenes I'm just lying there pretending to be asleep. Guess who actually fell asleep? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 784

You deserved it 10 478

By Name - 11/07/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 579

You deserved it 56 206

Classy

By 1234 - 11/07/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 603

You deserved it 10 448

By JackOLantern - 13/07/2009 20:16 - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 852

You deserved it 33 206

Beach body

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 847

You deserved it 8 056

By Anon - 07/11/2009 00:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 6 104

Top of the morning

By munnyfish - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friend's place, along with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 620

You deserved it 34 111

Love is…

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 485

You deserved it 8 885

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 731

You deserved it 30 500

Leaking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 651

You deserved it 3 641