Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML
Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML
Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe ;)" and "Shit wrong person" to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML
Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML
Today, my social awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML
Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML
Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML
Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML
Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML
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