Miss olympia, united states 32 years-old Single
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her newborn son after me. FML
Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML
Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
