Miss kings park , usa 40 years-old
Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML
Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML
Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML
Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML
Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
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